Hamigaki: let's blash our teeth!

[imomus]

You know, I'm sure some of you sit there saying to yourselves: "That Momus, he used to call himself the tender pervert, but his blog is disappointingly serious. It's all architecture, difficult music, UNESCO... where's the tender pervery, then?"



The answer, my friends, is here. Now. Because today -- just lie back in this chair, please, while the nurse prepares the anaesthetic -- we're going to talk about sexy dentistry. I shall be your hamigaki idoru otaku gaido -- your toothblash idol geek guide, in plain Engrish. Wait, let me finish my tori karage first.

This tour didn't begin in Japan, though it inevitably ends up there, in a dentist's surgery. No, it began on my Friends page, where I discovered that sexy Gea keeps a videoblog. One of her videos -- the one with the most views -- is of Gea brushing her teeth.

"Suddenly brushing teeth became unbearably hot," someone remarks underneath. What nonsense! Suddenly nothing -- blashing teeth has always been something worth blushing about. It's a key turning point in an online flirtation when you reach the hamigaki moment. Of course it is! At that point, you know the struggle is over. The sugar of future pleasures is being laid in provision.



YouTube leads us on a merry pixel-trail of hamigaki vids, naturally, but most of them are ugly and crude. There's Brushing Teeth like a Moron, I guess, or Teeth brushing with Christina Aguilera, or I brush teeth or just simply BRUSH. There's the deceptively instructive-sounding (but actually crude and porno-like) How to brush teeth. There's a man brushing his wife's teeth while she sleeps. You know, this is YouTube, all human life is here.



The true tender pervert, though, likes his dentistry a little more softcore and Japanese. Which doesn't mean this utter maniac filling his mouth with an entire tube of toothpaste. And it certainly doesn't mean this fucking spooky video of someone apparently brushing the teeth of a corpse. Hamigaki Jesus!

No, it means sexy Japanese girls brushing their teeth for all the world as if butter wouldn't melt in their mouths. It means she blashes my teeth then asks if I'll blash hers. And it means this gorgeous series of dental instruction videos in which a kindly Japanese dentist -- a kind of Bob Ross with dental drills instead of paint brushes -- sketches out a variety of strategies for combatting dental caries.



I don't know whether this makes me more or less of a pervert, but these six films are perhaps my favourite of all today's hamigaki finds. The colour range is lovely, fluorescent lights and machines hum comfortingly, and the dentist fascinates even as he soothes, making biro drawings of -- well, what, exactly? Teeth, or fantastical scenes from the Brothers Grimm, as doodled by Philip Guston?

Comments

[ifotismeni]

oh my.

[electricwitch.livejournal.com]

Oh I have a picture of me and the roomy brushing our teeth somewhere, does this mean it will fetch money?

[imomus.livejournal.com]

Yes.

[electricwitch.livejournal.com]

FAR OUT!

Off to EBay I go then.

[peripherus-max.livejournal.com]

(http://photobucket.com)

[imomus.livejournal.com]

Isn't that an early Ryan McGinley (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ryan_McGinley)? Must be worth a fortune now!

[desant012.livejournal.com]

The sexiness of brushing teeth might be about the beauty of the everyday ... unless you're British.

uhhhhhuhuhuhuhuhhhhhhhhhhuhuhhhhhhhuhuhuhuuuuuuuuuhhhhhhuhuhuhhhhuhhhhhhhhhhuuuuuhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhuuuuuhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhuhuhuhhuhuuuuuuuhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhuhuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuhhh

[dailyrave.livejournal.com]

The infringing, sterile odor of the dentist's office, then, is undeniably kinky.

"Open, please."
"This might be a bit uncomfortable."
"Spit."

hm.

[jannavarro.livejournal.com]

i tried to send you an e-mail, but the address in your site didn't work....
and i'm jealous of you 'cause my new artforum didn't arrivied yet.

[auto-nalle.livejournal.com]

teen and pre-teen i used to go to the dentist a lot. orthodontix. my dentist was the mother of one of my classmates. i liked her, she was sweet. her husband had recently (i remember it being recent at some point) left her for a younger woman. whenever i think about dentistry i remember how soft and nice her breasts felt against my occiput. and that there was a picture of a meadow with purple flowers on the ceiling.

[desant012.livejournal.com]

This is off topic, but I thought of this blog when I saw it (yeah, I've got nothing to do):

http://www.dw-world.de/dw/article/0,2144,2450404,00.html

Looks like Berlin's going the way of London and New York. Now where will the next "bohemian" capital be?

[(Anonymous)]

Unfortunately, there are already talks onf TV about the immigrant districts (like Neukölln) suddenly becoming attractive to the well-earning (even though "there's a high percentage of turkish" there, to quote). I hope that's wrong, and I hope it will not turn into a self-fulfilling prophecy.

Robert

[imomus.livejournal.com]

Nah, it won't go the way of London and New York until the rents and prices go up, and the rents and prices won't go up until there are jobs for people to do, and there won't be jobs for people to do until the local economy perks up, and that'll need the population to perk up, and so on. We're fine for another twenty years or so.

[kumakouji.livejournal.com]

For a self-proclaimed pervert, I've always found all of your pornography posts really tame. not because you don't talk about flat-out hardcore smut but because everything that does it for you is so... ordinary.

I mean, this "girls brushing their teeth" thing; pretty, 20 something Japanese girls pushing something long and hard, back and forth in and out of their mouths, with a little bit of white goo on their lips... Doesnt take much of an imagination to envision that toothbrush being your cock, right?

I've been a Japanophile since I was about 10, and every so often I find myself questioning it. Y'know, Manga and video games are cool and all, but does it justify the obsession? Then I'll be browsing 4chan (http://www.4chan.org) and someone will be all "LOL HAY GUYZ, CHECK OUT THIS PHOTO OF 2 JAPANESE GIRLS WITH LIVE OCTOPUSES HANGING OUT THEIR ASSES11!" and then it all makes sense.

[imomus.livejournal.com]

Doesnt take much of an imagination to envision that toothbrush being your cock, right?

I'm speechless! That vile, base thought hadn't even entered my mind! What kind of world are we living in, where people are going around harbouring such tainted, filthy thoughts?

Stunning! I shall never blash my teeth again. Starting tonight.

[kumakouji.livejournal.com]

Does replacing the toothbrush with a cat still do it for you?

[lord-whimsy.livejournal.com]

Isn't it customary in Asia to cook the cats first, or are these young ladies too hungry to wait?

[mandyrose.livejournal.com]

Oh, Whimsy, I love this picture of you! You look so... young Orson Welles.

[beketaten.livejournal.com]

they all look like they have frogs' eyes o_O

[(Anonymous)]

You realise those are all photos of the same girl, right?

[alphacomp.livejournal.com]

What in the world are you eating!

[imomus.livejournal.com]

Ah, Shokotan, blog-no queen! (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Shōko_Nakagawa) Shoko Nakagawa.

"Another sign of Nakagawa's adoration for Mami is an act which appears frequently in her blog, called "good smell" (putting one's nose to the rear of a cat and smelling it). Mami is also made to join in with her owner's cosplay, particularly as Luna from Sailor Moon, although recently the black cat Luna has taken over this position."

[(Anonymous)]

Are there any Japanese sexual fetishes that actually involve naked dudes and ladies fiddling with their genitals?

[autokrater.livejournal.com]

oh wow
i made a video once of my brushing my teeth
and i posted it on my myspace but it won't load for whatever reason
i will link you sometime
maybe later
these are pretty awesome

[autokrater.livejournal.com]

http://vids.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=vids.individual&videoid=970084607
it's not sexy though

[imomus.livejournal.com]

I like the black nose spot, it makes you look like a cat!

[mandyrose.livejournal.com]

This isn't quite on-topic, but not quite off-topic, either: I've relished your posts for the last ten years because you never commit the cardinal sin of aesthetic obscenity. Even when tenderly perving. It is tender!

Haven't had much chance to keep up with you and yours lately... (sighs sentimentally, eyes moistening).

Sometimes I think the pursuit of beauty is the only thing we have left.

I shouldn't write under the influence of the pastoral... I'm afraid it makes me sound like Celine Dion.

hamigaki

[pay-option07.livejournal.com]

http://sabra.jp/strictly/

I'm just a regular T/A guy, but maybe just maybe it's an exploration of the urbane daily un-sexy cohabitation stuff
that takes the bloom off the cherry.

[(Anonymous)]

I think this makes you more of a pervert, but a really awesome pervert like Marv Albert or something...j/k, I would never seriously compare you to Marv Albert, but he does have an awesome hairpiece

Lip them?

[(Anonymous)]

Ah Momasu, I thought you'd be beyond the lame 'Lost in Translation lip my stockings'-style amusement at Japanese pronunciation of English... kind of disappointing, but I'm sure you'll claim it's all done in an arch, knowing fashion...!

Oh, are you playing when in Tokyo later this year BTW?

Re: Lip them?

[imomus.livejournal.com]

I hate that "lip them" scene! Hate it! I think what I hate is that Bill is not totally charmed by the Engrish, as I would be, and doesn't submit immediately.

[alisgray.livejournal.com]

Dear Momus,
I saw this scientific study (http://www.newscientist.com/article.ns?id=dn11785&feedId=online-news_rss20) of the differences in physical perception according to culture and thought of you. It's not a new idea, certainly, but it's an interesting application of magnetic resonance imaging.

this particular entry of yours also brought to mind this part (http://sf0.org/tasks/Brush-With-Reality/) of a strange game, which was clearly a reflection of that part (http://sf0.org/tasks/Kiss-And-Make-It-Real/).

Cheers.