Hamigaki: let's blash our teeth!
Apr. 30th, 2007 03:30 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
imomusYou know, I'm sure some of you sit there saying to yourselves: "That Momus, he used to call himself the tender pervert, but his blog is disappointingly serious. It's all architecture, difficult music, UNESCO... where's the tender pervery, then?"
The answer, my friends, is here. Now. Because today -- just lie back in this chair, please, while the nurse prepares the anaesthetic -- we're going to talk about sexy dentistry. I shall be your hamigaki idoru otaku gaido -- your toothblash idol geek guide, in plain Engrish. Wait, let me finish my tori karage first.
This tour didn't begin in Japan, though it inevitably ends up there, in a dentist's surgery. No, it began on my Friends page, where I discovered that sexy Gea keeps a videoblog. One of her videos -- the one with the most views -- is of Gea brushing her teeth.
"Suddenly brushing teeth became unbearably hot," someone remarks underneath. What nonsense! Suddenly nothing -- blashing teeth has always been something worth blushing about. It's a key turning point in an online flirtation when you reach the hamigaki moment. Of course it is! At that point, you know the struggle is over. The sugar of future pleasures is being laid in provision.
YouTube leads us on a merry pixel-trail of hamigaki vids, naturally, but most of them are ugly and crude. There's Brushing Teeth like a Moron, I guess, or Teeth brushing with Christina Aguilera, or I brush teeth or just simply BRUSH. There's the deceptively instructive-sounding (but actually crude and porno-like) How to brush teeth. There's a man brushing his wife's teeth while she sleeps. You know, this is YouTube, all human life is here.
The true tender pervert, though, likes his dentistry a little more softcore and Japanese. Which doesn't mean this utter maniac filling his mouth with an entire tube of toothpaste. And it certainly doesn't mean this fucking spooky video of someone apparently brushing the teeth of a corpse. Hamigaki Jesus!
No, it means sexy Japanese girls brushing their teeth for all the world as if butter wouldn't melt in their mouths. It means she blashes my teeth then asks if I'll blash hers. And it means this gorgeous series of dental instruction videos in which a kindly Japanese dentist -- a kind of Bob Ross with dental drills instead of paint brushes -- sketches out a variety of strategies for combatting dental caries.
I don't know whether this makes me more or less of a pervert, but these six films are perhaps my favourite of all today's hamigaki finds. The colour range is lovely, fluorescent lights and machines hum comfortingly, and the dentist fascinates even as he soothes, making biro drawings of -- well, what, exactly? Teeth, or fantastical scenes from the Brothers Grimm, as doodled by Philip Guston?
The answer, my friends, is here. Now. Because today -- just lie back in this chair, please, while the nurse prepares the anaesthetic -- we're going to talk about sexy dentistry. I shall be your hamigaki idoru otaku gaido -- your toothblash idol geek guide, in plain Engrish. Wait, let me finish my tori karage first.
This tour didn't begin in Japan, though it inevitably ends up there, in a dentist's surgery. No, it began on my Friends page, where I discovered that sexy Gea keeps a videoblog. One of her videos -- the one with the most views -- is of Gea brushing her teeth."Suddenly brushing teeth became unbearably hot," someone remarks underneath. What nonsense! Suddenly nothing -- blashing teeth has always been something worth blushing about. It's a key turning point in an online flirtation when you reach the hamigaki moment. Of course it is! At that point, you know the struggle is over. The sugar of future pleasures is being laid in provision.
YouTube leads us on a merry pixel-trail of hamigaki vids, naturally, but most of them are ugly and crude. There's Brushing Teeth like a Moron, I guess, or Teeth brushing with Christina Aguilera, or I brush teeth or just simply BRUSH. There's the deceptively instructive-sounding (but actually crude and porno-like) How to brush teeth. There's a man brushing his wife's teeth while she sleeps. You know, this is YouTube, all human life is here.
The true tender pervert, though, likes his dentistry a little more softcore and Japanese. Which doesn't mean this utter maniac filling his mouth with an entire tube of toothpaste. And it certainly doesn't mean this fucking spooky video of someone apparently brushing the teeth of a corpse. Hamigaki Jesus!
No, it means sexy Japanese girls brushing their teeth for all the world as if butter wouldn't melt in their mouths. It means she blashes my teeth then asks if I'll blash hers. And it means this gorgeous series of dental instruction videos in which a kindly Japanese dentist -- a kind of Bob Ross with dental drills instead of paint brushes -- sketches out a variety of strategies for combatting dental caries.
I don't know whether this makes me more or less of a pervert, but these six films are perhaps my favourite of all today's hamigaki finds. The colour range is lovely, fluorescent lights and machines hum comfortingly, and the dentist fascinates even as he soothes, making biro drawings of -- well, what, exactly? Teeth, or fantastical scenes from the Brothers Grimm, as doodled by Philip Guston?