Being narsty to carnts

[imomus]

I think I was probably the narstiest person in my family, but it wasn't major stuff. I nicknamed my sister "Little White Pig" just in case my mother's affectionate name for her, "Little White Pet", went to her head. It was for her own good, you understand. Apart from that, everyone in my family was gentle and supportive and civilized to each other. We grew up in an atmosphere of mutual support and kindness which only broke down into mildly sarcastic recrimination when my parents divorced.



Where I really learned about narstiness, though, was at boarding school. Between the ages of 9 and 13 I received a full crash-course in it. I was physically and mentally tortured, and I learned the extreme difference between running with an in-group and being an out-group of one. (Clue: It was mainly that you didn't get beaten up daily.) Now, although my ultraviolent public school was particularly British (think Lindsay Anderson's "if..."), I won't argue here that narstiness is an entirely British pursuit. There are massacres, torture, cursings and stonings all over the world. But I do find that a certain kind of low-level narstiness is considered acceptable and even amusing in the UK. Narstiness (rather than outright brutality, let's say) seems inherently British.

I don't just see this in Britain's notoriously narsty tabloids, although I think an unholy alliance between Rupert Murdoch and British class hatred has a lot to answer for. It's all over the blogs and bulletin boards I read, the ones frequented by British people, anyway. You can't read far without being forced to agree or disagree with the proposition that someone is a "carnt". One friend's recent blog entries ("friends only", so I won't link them here) have identified several.

There's the woman who exaggerated the damage to her Collier's Wood home caused by a recent freak tornado. She's a carnt, apparently, because she said, in an article for the Standard, things like "My home has always been my sanctuary, a place of exquisite beauty and calm." I'm not quite sure, but I think Caroline Phillips is supposed to be an acceptable target because she's precious, hysterical and bourgeois. Perhaps also because her house really is nicer than ours, or was before the freak tornado struck. Anyway, she had to close the comments thread on her LiveJournal because so many people were dropping in to call her a carnt.

Next there's Liberal Democrat MP Lembit Opik, who split from his TV weather presenter girlfriend in order to date one half of East European novelty pop outfit The Cheeky Girls, known in the UK for their saucy seaside postcard pop hit "Touch My Bum". My friend links to the BBC article about this earth-shaking event (and I'm rather surprised the BBC -- still, I think, a public service broadcaster and not a tabloid newspaper -- covered it, unless their agenda is being set by the tabloids) with the terse comment "What a twat". Again, I'm not quite sure what this man's error is. Dating a pretty Romanian novelty singer? Splitting up with a weather presenter to do so? Exchanging a partner close to his own age for a younger one, or a British partner for a foreign one? Whatever it is, the comments thread more or less agreed that Tornado Lady and Cheeky Man have rendered all satire irrelevant.

Things get truly narsty, though, when the news story involves an alleged serial killer. When the police arrested their first suspect in the Suffolk Strangler case this week, the British press made a big deal of the fact that the man was called Tom and had a MySpace page. Despite stern warnings from Suffolk police that the man's name not be released, the Mirror published an article about him on Sunday, and the whole British media then set about discovering everything they could about the Tesco manager, including publishing links to his MySpace page. One of his seven friends was a woman, and this woman's MySpace page quickly filled up with abusive comments. She too was apparently a "carnt" for having friended the suspect. I suppose it's the internet-age equivalent of being stoned in the market square. Anyway, the following day the police found a new suspect.

Personally, I blame Rupert Murdoch for the virulent state of British narstiness, and the large number of carnts per square metre -- sorry, foot -- in the UK. Of course, by pointing the finger at a narsty carnt myself, I'm playing the national sport. But, don't you see, if we all agree that there's just one gigantic narsty carnt in the world, we can all love each other unconditionally. If not forever, at least until Rupert pops his clogs. As those Dutch carnts would put it.

Comments

[rhodri.livejournal.com]

1. Caroline Phillips received two kinds of rollocking. The first, which was entirely deserved, is because her smug, badly written account of her house being hit by a tornado is full of irrelevant references to her friends' occupations and the exquisite detailing of her home. She didn't even exaggerate the damage! She's just a "lifestyle" journalist thrust unwittingly into the middle of a news story. It's a hilarious read. There was no viciousness intended, but the thing had to be spread around, and the LiveJournal in question was created (not by me, or indeed her) because the article failed to appear online; the comments thread was closed because of the SECOND kind of rollicking she received, which was deep-seated in class war and made for deeply uncomfortable reading.

2. Opik was an idiot long before the Cheeky Girls incident; his shenanigans have been referenced on Popbitch, and I just think he's an unsavoury character. He's always sought out maximum publicity for himself - always an irritating trait in an MP - and is confused enough to be, uh, delighted and surprised at the attention focused on him as a result of having a 2-week relationship with one half of a novelty act. Co-incidentally, in last week's Private Eye, there's a feature about the Cheeky Girls which talks about how they've broken the terms of their immigration agreement by failing to provide proper financial information to the Home Office; the internal HO memo says: "It is likely that the Cheeky Girls may themselves involve the tabloid press to draw attention to their situation and obtain some free publicity."

1 & 2: both fairly good reasons to have a pop at someone. I wouldn't call either of them c#nts, though, as I'm sure you know.

[imomus.livejournal.com]

Are you saying we should blame PopBitch instead of Rupert Murdoch for this "open season" mentality? Or do you think it's something inherently British? Or, indeed, human?

[rhodri.livejournal.com]

I think there are a lot of fairly unhappy people around who derive pleasure from sitting at their keyboards and pouring out vitriol from the safety and anonymity of an IP address. I'm working up to a entry about the pointlessness of political blogging - state a point of view, sit back and watch people insult each other - which amounts to the same thing. I'd like to think that if I call someone a cretin, I'm doing it for a good reason, but maybe I'm as bad as everyone else. As to who is to blame... I dunno. Caroline Phillips?

[imomus.livejournal.com]

the pointlessness of political blogging

I call this being lost in the wilderness of opinion (http://www.wired.com/news/columns/1,70844-0.html). There's a text-v-texture angle to it too:

"I hope to follow "The Wilderness of Opinion" in my autobiography with a chapter entitled 'In the Realm of the Onion'."

Suzuribako

[qscrisp.livejournal.com]

Your essay reminded me of this thing (http://www.wishfulthinking.co.uk/poetry/2006/12/08/announcing-the-pc-for-poets/) that a friend sent me the other day:

http://www.wishfulthinking.co.uk/poetry/2006/12/08/announcing-the-pc-for-poets/

I found it quite interesting. This design at least involves the sense of touch.

[barnacle.livejournal.com]

I think this culture of blame is unhelpful and obstructs the pursuit of media excellence, and we should acknowledge that there's been a systemic failure, and that lessons have been learned by all involved, and what's important to remember is that processes are now in place to make sure that Rupert Murdoch never happens again.

[mcgazz.livejournal.com]

I agree completely with rhodri on Caroline Phillips. Anyone who uses being hit by a tornado to namedrop friends and brag about her interior design is going to get less sympathy from me. Are you suggesting we go back to being a (one) nation of cap-doffing proles who know our place and don't dare to criticise lower middle class airheads because their floating shelves are American Walnut rather than veneered chipboard?

Maybe the Japanese need to be a bit more 'narsty' - businessmen who pay for sex with 12 year olds are, at the end of the day, 'carnts'.

[mcgazz.livejournal.com]

Note how my post above is a beautiful example of British low-level nastiness ;-)

[(Anonymous)]

I think you may have hit on the crux of it. In this respect and many others, Britain seems to have bounced from one earlier extreme to its opposite. From being an orderly, deferential, class-based society we've gone to yelling "carnt" at anyone in a position of authority. From making do with very little and being very un-showy, we've become a nation of voracious and wasteful consumers. I think it's probably inevitable, but I doubt it'll last forever.