OK, I've quit horsing around and ponied up the money to send "Otto" along with 4,000 euros to the Polyphonic Human Media Interface, the hit-predicting computerized service (HSS). Far away, I waited impatiently, gnawing Neccos. Word soon came: By the second of Mr. Talaga's interludes, their mainframe suffered a nervous collapse and crashed with a heart-twisting whine and bone-shattering thud. The futures of several future pop stars are now in jeopardy.
The brusque billet-doux I received soon after from HSS headquarters kindly instructed me to never, never send them any product related to Mr. Currie or his cohorts again.
Undaunted, I soon after sent "Otto" to the MIT computer-listening labs, confident in American ingenuity and academic achievement. The hard drives buzzed along happily, it is reported, but the automated reviewing mechanism was subsequently only able to spit out such quasi-Joycean, spam-header gibberish as, "This idiosyncratic, delightfully uncompromising music rides its own hobnailed hobbyhorse to a giddy Hebridean hell. Snorkling in glistening Pavlovian third gear as civilizations merrily crumble, and heretofore we? yes! all of us dance around beloved maypole trysting o!! untimely deat.h fig almaretto stOP marquEE bijou cialis blingbling pennis exttention HEYNONNY farthingangel solis2pargle nushcogdammrun a;;;; sMYyd eu2 frJJr afAKXAXX29 DJ*$DHS 24+@9WR++-R 12749.... " And so on.
Word from MIT was apologetic while politely but firmly requesting that I refrain from submitting any further music for consideration. However, as a consolation they gave me a "syncretic consolidation" of the sum of "Otto"'s digitalized tracks, a mathematically perfect acoustic evaluation in the form of an ogg vorbis file which sounds remarkably like a 1907 Regal Zonophone shellac disc I have in my collection, of a little-known Ruthenian Orthodox funeral rite sung by the last living European castrato. Whether this is a joke or not, I do not know.
Now that I am broke, further testing will have to continue within the soundproofed confines of my own fallout shelter. I have had to invest in new state-of-the-art multichannel equipment, bought on credit, and, with a six-month supply of aqua vitae and dehydrated soups at ready, I have bolted the doors and windows; friends have been asked to decline from contacting me, and since I will have to sever my internet connection, this may be the last you hear from me for some time. Please tell my family I am happy and proud to be doing this not only for science, but for art's sake, too.
In short, I finally have "Otto" in my hands! Despite my initial displeasure at finding no lyrics within (no doubt a cost-cutting measure, but really--not again!), I think the package is quite fetching and am glad the thing that looked like a pink sticker was only a pink sticker. (By the way, I submitted the proper CDDB information to my computer when I was so requested; since I am apparently the first to have done this, people can only blame me for mistakes while ripping this to their iPods. Befuddled as to genre, I checked "Miscellaneous.")
So far I'm loving it and tears flourish in my eyes as soon as I feel my subwoofer tremble with "Otto"'s passion, poetry, and power. Thank you yet again, Momus, from the chambers of my hyperbolic heart! Dare I begin "Otto: The Novel" today?
Wait a minute! There's nothing (yet) at www.imomus.com/ottospooky.html (as advertised on the American CD package). In fact, there's nothing Otto-related at imomus except a few announcements and the old mp3s and Click Opera comments. It's going to get messy tracking down all those lyrics...
Hark! Is that someone rattling the hatch of my isolation tank? Shhh... I'm trying to decipher the lyrics...
Actually, the idea of being remixed by Mr. Talaga sounds much more appealing than the complete Hollywood-style facelift and fitness routine I'd been planning. Will it include feathers and a third eye?
Thankfully, I have the new Super Mad Bros in here with me, as well, and every eight-bit warble tingles my spine like a tazer to the skull. Lovely, doctor--more please!
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Postcard from Hell (Valley)
Date: 2005-01-31 06:40 pm (UTC)The brusque billet-doux I received soon after from HSS headquarters kindly instructed me to never, never send them any product related to Mr. Currie or his cohorts again.
Undaunted, I soon after sent "Otto" to the MIT computer-listening labs, confident in American ingenuity and academic achievement. The hard drives buzzed along happily, it is reported, but the automated reviewing mechanism was subsequently only able to spit out such quasi-Joycean, spam-header gibberish as, "This idiosyncratic, delightfully uncompromising music rides its own hobnailed hobbyhorse to a giddy Hebridean hell. Snorkling in glistening Pavlovian third gear as civilizations merrily crumble, and heretofore we? yes! all of us dance around beloved maypole trysting o!! untimely deat.h fig almaretto stOP marquEE bijou cialis blingbling pennis exttention HEYNONNY farthingangel solis2pargle nushcogdammrun a;;;; sMYyd eu2 frJJr afAKXAXX29 DJ*$DHS 24+@9WR++-R 12749.... " And so on.
Word from MIT was apologetic while politely but firmly requesting that I refrain from submitting any further music for consideration. However, as a consolation they gave me a "syncretic consolidation" of the sum of "Otto"'s digitalized tracks, a mathematically perfect acoustic evaluation in the form of an ogg vorbis file which sounds remarkably like a 1907 Regal Zonophone shellac disc I have in my collection, of a little-known Ruthenian Orthodox funeral rite sung by the last living European castrato. Whether this is a joke or not, I do not know.
Now that I am broke, further testing will have to continue within the soundproofed confines of my own fallout shelter. I have had to invest in new state-of-the-art multichannel equipment, bought on credit, and, with a six-month supply of aqua vitae and dehydrated soups at ready, I have bolted the doors and windows; friends have been asked to decline from contacting me, and since I will have to sever my internet connection, this may be the last you hear from me for some time. Please tell my family I am happy and proud to be doing this not only for science, but for art's sake, too.
Re: Postcard from Hell (Valley)
Date: 2005-01-31 06:44 pm (UTC)So far I'm loving it and tears flourish in my eyes as soon as I feel my subwoofer tremble with "Otto"'s passion, poetry, and power. Thank you yet again, Momus, from the chambers of my hyperbolic heart! Dare I begin "Otto: The Novel" today?
Re: Postcard from Hell (Valley)
Date: 2005-01-31 07:10 pm (UTC)Re: Postcard from Hell (Valley)
Date: 2005-01-31 10:54 pm (UTC)Whoops, thanks for reminding me, I'll put up a page today.
Re: Postcard from Hell (Valley)
Date: 2005-01-31 10:53 pm (UTC)Re: Postcard from Hell (Valley)
Date: 2005-01-31 11:38 pm (UTC)Actually, the idea of being remixed by Mr. Talaga sounds much more appealing than the complete Hollywood-style facelift and fitness routine I'd been planning. Will it include feathers and a third eye?
Thankfully, I have the new Super Mad Bros in here with me, as well, and every eight-bit warble tingles my spine like a tazer to the skull. Lovely, doctor--more please!