Meet Maria Wolonski

[imomus]

Momus: Hello everyone, thanks for coming today. I'd like to present Maria Wolonski, our new... What is your official title, Maria? I forget, despite being the one who made it up!
Maria: Wasn't it "Flexible Information Nexus"?
Momus: "F-I-N". Sounds a bit fishy! No, didn't it have a P in it... not PA, not PR...
Maria: PDA! Personal Digital Assistant!
Momus: Thanks, that'll do nicely for now. So, everyone, I'd like you to meet Maria Wolonski, the new Momus PDA. We're delighted to have her aboard.



Maria: Shall I curtsey? Or do you want to spray champagne over me, like Richard Branson?
Momus: Ha ha, it is tempting! But Richard Branson is a sexist pig. I wouldn't treat my employees like that. I think we should tell people first and foremost to follow your feed.
Maria: Yes! Right. Well, my feed is called wolon, which is obviously short for "Wolonski". It's your highly Portable Information Nexus (P-I-N) for anything and everything related to Momus. Concerts, press appearances, lectures, reactions to events, recommendations. Hey, should I be calling you "Mr Momus"?
Momus: No, no, just plain Momus is fine.
Maria: Should we talk about what we were discussing earlier?
Momus: What was that? Oh, about possible reactions? Okay... You go first.
Maria: Well, it's just that you thought... You thought there was a possibility of dismay. That people would say: "He's winding up Click Opera just to unveil... a Twitter feed?"
Momus: Right. And it's important to stress that this is not a Momus-related Twitter feed. Well, not just a Momus-related Twitter feed. This is Maria, a new person. A new member of staff. In a new office. With rafters.
Maria: You know, I think I will call you Mr Momus on the feed. So cute!
Momus: It is cute, but remember the "Mr" will take up two of those precious 140 characters.
Maria: Oh, I can slip it in there. I'm good at that. Mr Momus on BBC Radio 4's Quote Unquote "deserves to be a massive multi-billionaire" (says nice Dr Ben Goldacre). See? I tweeted all that plus a compact tinyurl. It fits!
Momus: I want to ask you a few questions about your origins, Maria, because I think the readers will want to know some background. But first I just want to clear up this question of the value of Twitter. As you know, I had a piece up in April called The case against -- and for -- Twitter. It was quite damning: "You could easily see the tweet as an inherently worthless form, some kind of spreading weed, replacing meaningful content with something scattershot, trivial, phatic, desultory -- eroding topsoil, decreasing crop yields." But then -- being a dialectical kind of chap -- I saw the plus side: "Couldn't all the important things ever said be reduced to 140 characters? There's nothing more wonderful than seeing a short form given some kind of lapidary perfection." Now, the wolon feed is mostly for information about real-world Momus activities, but I hope it can achieve some of that "lapidary perfection" too. Some kind of beauty.
Maria: That's why you made someone short and perfectly-formed your "flexible information nexus"?
Momus: You're perfectly formed, but you're not short! Come on, Maria, you're almost as tall as me!
Maria: It's true, and you wear high heels.
Momus: Don't tell them that!
Maria: Ha ha ha!
Momus: Do you want me to show them your baby pictures?
Maria: What, that one of me in my birthday suit? When you were down in the lab, fabricating me like the Bride of Frankenstein?
Momus: Yes, that one!
Maria: Well, I certainly don't want you holding the threat to show it over my head and using it to control my freedom of expression. So go ahead, I'm not ashamed. In fact, I think it's good to make my fabrication process clear and obvious to everybody, as if to say "This is how a PDA is made!"
Momus: Okay, here's Maria in the lab, back when she was being fabricated. Isn't she lovely?



Maria: I have a damn good body, I'll say that for me. You look like you had a lot on your hands before I came along. In fact, you had a lot of hands, period.
Momus: That's right, I had a thumb in many pies. I had to juggle everything constantly. I didn't know what to do with all my hands. That's why I needed a new pair.
Maria: Yes, today you're showing a new pair of hands and a clean pair of heels!
Momus: Please don't go on about my heels!
Maria: You like to wear them with spurs while sitting on your high horse!
Momus: No I don't! Anyway, here's a flow diagram of how I hope we'll be working together in the future.



Maria: That's lovely! I'm a penguin! Where did you get the graphic?
Momus: It's a tribute to the Japanese designer Nakajo Masayoshi, a cluster of some of his motifs. He did a lot of work for the Shiseido magazine Hanatsubaki, really nice clear and simple design, but quirky, with lots of personality.
Maria: Is that you in the photo?
Momus: No, it's Harry Smith, but it's how I might look in a few years.
Maria: You have a birthday coming up soon, don't you?
Momus: No.
Maria: Yes you do!
Momus: No I don't! I don't want to talk about that! In fact, let's just end this meeting now, shall we, Maria?
Maria: Okay, you're the boss, Mr Branson! I mean, Mr Momus!

Follow Maria Wolonski on Twitter.

Comments

[akabe.livejournal.com]

nakajo is the only japanese graphic designer i like // everyone else is trying too hard

[(Anonymous)]

Because trying is for losers.

[(Anonymous)]

Whenever I see someone try, or hear wind of it, I just absolutely despair for the state of the world. Like when you see a little kid trying to learn how to ride a bike, and they're wobbling about pathetically because they can't do it, and they clearly have no idea of how ridiculous they look; or when my wife tries her best to make a decent meal, and I have to not only look at the mess she's made, but also eat it.

I mean, Jesus. Why can't people just be perfect, everyone, perfect, like me?

All these people who are "in the wrong," or "un-cool," or "out-of-date," or "ignorant." They all should be rounded up and shot, because they're just an absolute waste of everyone's time.

[imomus.livejournal.com]

I think this sub-thread is getting a little out of hand. There's a difference between "condemning trying" (which you guys seem to be suggesting Alin is doing) and "condemning trying too hard".

Alin is not condemning people who try. He's condemning people who make their effort too visible. It's all about the ratio of effort to effect. The trick the truly stylish pull off is either being effortless or appearing so. And I totally agree with Alin that Nakajo pulls this off. Alin, if you know him, also pulls it off himself.

[(Anonymous)]

Perhaps we should ask, why are we condemning at all? Condemning: damnation. What happens to those who we condemn? What does the community do with them? Where do we put them?

Does it matter, as long as they're out of sight? Not affronting our good taste with their crassness? Should we strive to be in the "truly stylish" club? Will we gain access to the promised land if we are?

[imomus.livejournal.com]

Why does it have to be critique of a person or group rather than a comportment or behaviour, though? All Alin seems to be saying is "Don't make it look like you're trying too hard, whoever you are." You want this to be consignment or damnation, but it might just be good advice.

[(Anonymous)]

"Trying too hard" is the background to "effortless", and the latter needs the former. You yourself thanked those people playing Michael Jackson out in the courtyard for allowing you to frame your playing of Toop.

The difference is, you thanked them. You did not literalize their position, or yours through condemnation.

I'm in two minds here. As ever, a fair amount of devil's advocate-ism.

[imomus.livejournal.com]

What you're calling "condemnation" I call "discrimination". Discrimination -- judgment -- is essential to all cultural activity. Sure, Buddhism (with its yin-yang thing) and PC (which makes judgmentalism and discrimination into new sins) have attacked that. But, seriously, there's nobody who isn't going to condemn the captain who lands the plane with a bump or form a judgment about the chef who burns the soup. There's no point saying "burnt soup is the background to perfect soup, they need each other to mean anything" or "Let's not leap to condemnation of this careless pilot too quickly!"

[(Anonymous)]

Talking of "trying too hard"...all your fucking awful "O" albums. You used to hold to that "every other track is golden" ratio like Bowie did through the 70's. Continue working with better programmers as your voice is still beyond compare.

[shadowshark.livejournal.com]

I really feel sorry for anyone who isn't able to see what's so great about Ocky Milk.

Continue working on your close listening skills; you'll be very glad that you did.