I wish I hadn't shaved off my hair!

[imomus]

1. Every few years I shave my head. The first time I did it was when I was 26, and had just signed to Creation. I wanted to look harder, less bourgeois. The next time I did it was when I was 33. You can see it on the Pierre et Gilles Timelord cover. There was another shave when I was 40 and living in New York, and another four years later. I did it again this weekend.

2. It's not like you suddenly say to yourself "I know, I want to look bald!" or "I want to resemble Namihei, the father in Sazae-San!" But sometimes you get the sudden impulse to do it. To shave it all off! For the way it feels!



3. It was really hot and humid last week. Hisae was out at the dentist. I was shaving my stubble with my American electric shaver as usual, going up my sideburns. I went a little further up, then a little further.

4. At this point I should say that Hisae hates men with shaved heads. In fact, she's often told me that if I shave my head again, she'll leave me. So I was taking a risk. I'd have some explaining to do.

5. Nevertheless, I couldn't help pushing the warm, oiled, buzzing shaver further across the side of my head. The resulting fuzz felt so cool, so smooth! My heavy, hot hair fell to the floor soundlessly. It felt reckless, transgressive!



6. I played around with half-shaved styles for a while. Ha ha ha! Mohican! Bald uncle! Blind nutter!

7. When Hisae got back from the dentist, she was truly appalled. "I'm going to leave you!" she screamed. "That looks horrible! Who are you? Are you a monk?"

8. "Well, at least other girls won't like me now!" I said. "Yes, and neither will I!" retorted Hisae.

9. We eventually negotiated that I would wear Curly Carl, my performance wig, until my hair grew back.

10. We went out that evening to see Ben Butler and Mousepad play at Madame Claude's. I wore the wig. People looked at me very strangely. But they do that anyway.



11. When we got home, Hisae was in a more conciliatory mood. "The wig makes you look like you have cancer. It's okay not to wear it. I'll just wait patiently for your hair to return."

12. I both hate my new shave and love it.

13. Good points: It feels really nice and fresh. I feel streamlined, and I can feel excess heat just evaporating effortlessly away through the top of my head.

14. Bad points: It's really difficult to look good with a shaved head. I don't like how it looks, and I like even less how it's going to look in a couple of months, as it grows out. See the photo above with Kumi Okamoto, for instance. It's at that horrible standy-uppy phase. It'll be doing that in about three months from now.

15. My hair has been thinning for at least the last ten years. It's happening very, very slowly, but every time I shave my head I wonder "Will it grow back?" Each time it does I'm pleasantly surprised, even if it's clearly thicker in some areas than others.

16. I don't really like the hairline or the head shape a shave reveals: I have a pronounced widow's peak and a double crown.

17. Men try to compensate for having no hair by growing a big bead or wearing interesting spectacles (the red "Buggles" ones above belong to Emma Balkind), but they always just look like... men trying to compensate for having no hair.

18. On the other hand, lots of people have a ton of hair and still look crap. Yes!

19. In a sense, waiting for hair to grow back is condemning yourself to months of unhappiness with your own appearance. Was that spontaneous decision to shave really worth those months of pain?

20. At the same time there's something energising and delightful about a shaved head. It feels so good, so prickly, under your palm! People love to touch it! It's -- literally, if not stylistically -- cool!



21. I also notice that the times I've had a shaved head tend to correspond to times I've had a surprising amount of success with women. Even if I thought I looked bad, something seemed to appeal. I think one reason might be that when you have a shaved head you look like a huge, erect, walking penis. That works, you know, subliminally on women. When they look at you, something deep in their subconscious says "Penis!"

22. Despite the obvious compensation of "looking subliminally like a huge erect walking penis", I wish I hadn't shaved off my hair! Oh well, it'll grow back. Possibly.

Comments

[(Anonymous)]

En Esch from KMFDM circa '92
-J.F.

[zazie-metro.livejournal.com]

I loves it with the shoe polish! Dark hair becomes you. Why not try out some of these in black or brown?

[theopsys.livejournal.com]

it's hard to say that an older man with a shaved head is anything but a BAD ASS. i think the don't-give-a-fuck look jives perfectly with your intellectual demeanor. if not for Hisae, i'd say keep it till you die.

Phew!

[der-hut-geist.livejournal.com]

It's nice to hear of someone else having the urge! I thought i was living a hair shaving bubble!

Tan

[(Anonymous)]

The bald need a tan to pull off the look. See picasso, kojak etc. Or any black. This can be problematic for scots.

Re: baldhead

[(Anonymous)]

i can testify, indeed disappointing, the last time, when you realise it really won't come back.. (i am a fair bit younger too. damn genes!)

or even the time when you realise the back and the sides grow quicker than the top, meaning that without close attention, a mullet may form at any moment

tending towards a tony blair (shivers)

[(Anonymous)]

From the depths of The British Library...

"The Inca instituted a hierarchical system in which hair length denoted social status- the shorter, the better. Also, the bigger the ear lobe and its ornament, the higher the status."

[caws-pobi.livejournal.com]

Although my hair is getting thin in places ('n I'm only 26!), I can never justify shaving my head. The few times I considered it, I remember thinking something like "well, if Eno and Momus can pull it off..."

Oh, and I don't know if this helps, but you do look very Devoto-ish in that last photo. With the glasses and all.

[microworlds.livejournal.com]

How in the world did so many people come out of the woodwork to stroke your already huge internet ego? Is it because they realized that both electricwitch and I haven't been making fun of you for a long time on here?

I am just simply blown away.

you look like...

[(Anonymous)]

Devoto in your last pic, although slightly less chubby, no bad thing!lawrence vorster

you look like...

[(Anonymous)]

Devoto in your last pic, although slightly less chubby, no bad thing!

[wringham.livejournal.com]

What's with the "numbered list" format, Momus?

[imomus.livejournal.com]

1. Not quite sure.

2. Don't you like it?

3. It's tidy!

4. Subtract 2 from 3.

5. Six is terrified of seven because seven ate nine.

6. [Error: unknown template video]

[wringham.livejournal.com]

Haha. I like it fine, actually. I've been thinking about employing the format in a pull-out section of the magazine I run.

In this case, I wondered if it was a conscious decision to experiment. The last time I saw you format a whole entry around numbers was your "eight thoughts about super-8".

Momus on baldness

[(Anonymous)]

"17. Men try to compensate for having no hair..." "they always just look like... men trying to compensate for having no hair."

Do they? Is that what you think? I'd argue most bald men wear it proudly these days.

"18. On the other hand, lots of people have a ton of hair and still look crap. Yes!"

I'd also say a lot of people have no hair and look fantastic.

Due to genetics, cancer treatments or just personal choice many people, men and women are bald and many proud of it.

You appear to have a hang up about baldness and seem to want to make bald people feel shitty about themselves by promoting and outdated attitude.

Re: Momus on baldness

[imomus.livejournal.com]

When you can point me in the direction of dating ads by women stating that their ideal man "must be bald", we can say the stigma is at an end.