Why I'm not in Britain

[imomus]

I'm not blogging anything today, but if you want to know why I'm at home in Berlin this holiday season rather than in Britain, it's pretty much explained in Welcome to Britain, a classic Click Opera rant from three years ago. (Good comments and an interesting follow-up thread on I Love Everything too.)

Has anything changed since? You tell me.

Comments

[(Anonymous)]

Who loves Morrissey then?

[imomus.livejournal.com]

I will see him in far-off places (http://imomus.livejournal.com/333144.html), with a rather far-off perspective on his far-off perspective.

Is that "love"?

[mr-tom.livejournal.com]

Smoking ban's finally happened.

I took a train from Edinburgh to London on the 27th and it was lovely, presumably since GNER lost the franchise and the new lot are trying to prove they're not like the old lot.

Shoreditch is still full of twats, though.

[qscrisp.livejournal.com]

I'm feeling relatively optimistic, so that's one thing that's changed about 'Britain', while I'm here.

[cap-scaleman.livejournal.com]

I believe you haven't felt much pre-new year firework banging, right? I've heard that Germany bans all kinds of firework activiity until New Year's eve. That's a good ban, a really good one.

[imomus.livejournal.com]

Quite the contrary, it's noisy as hell. Turkish kids in Kreuzberg have already called "Get the pirate!" to one another and thrown bangers down as I passed. The ban is on selling them, not using them, but people get around it.

I read your 3 year old rant

[ankh156.livejournal.com]

I don't get the impression it was written by a 3 year old...

I got out in 90, Thatcher had been in power for 11 years and I'd had enough of the 'smack of firm government' (pun intentional). Junky Britain was becoming a banality, I wanted out and off, and coming to Brittany felt like going back in time. I'm not cheered or encouraged to read what you wrote 3 years ago, but I am sure I did the right thing getting out. Now, 17 years later, and with Tsarkozy on the throne, maybe I'm too tired and unwell to do another flit. Where would I go anyway ? This modern madness is seeping everywhere, and the only place I should flit to is oblivion (got my ticket, bags are packed).

I know an american filmmaker who's moving to Kreuzberg in the new year. He has an LJ - I'll give you a link to his journal if you want.

Here's hoping 2008 can supply a little sanity and calm in which we can all create a little and advance on our personal journeys.

"Semper in fimo, sed infimum mutandur."

All the best.

clvi

[(Anonymous)]

Bitch, bitch, bitch, oh myyyy, how viiile is my homeland: hey Nick, no wonder the powers that be take this to be a personal insult...
Just to let you know that French expats ( about 2,8 million people, 600,000 of them actually living in Britain) feel exactly the same about Paris and France in general, the only difference being the French trains are still a government-run business. So filth, drugs, dog-eat-dog, late trains is this a London thing? No you'll find that just about everywhere and that includes Germany. (Now please spare me the "Berlin is not Germany" bit, because I mean London isn't Britain either)

"the grass is always greener... etcetera"

Keep whining Nick, at least it's good for your literary schemes, I mean that's how Celine ended up writing Voyage au Bout de la Nuit. You know, Celine, that ageing, bitter fascist bastard...

[seinneann-ceoil.livejournal.com]

Not much has changed. It seems to be this inevitable mechanism that inexorably leads to decay. I wrote a bit about that here (http://seinneann-ceoil.livejournal.com/53000.html) though it speaks more to the stress being here puts on one's humanity. Either way, it's not a sustainable place to be, it seems.

You're right...

[kumakouji.livejournal.com]

As a Londoner I wish I could say you're wrong. You painted a horrible picture, but a lot of what you picked up on is an aesthetic I'm all too aware of. In the dead centre of London (Picadilly Circus, etc) it's a slightly different story -- the architecture is beautiful, there are carvings of gargoyles and faces in the walls, there are statues and bronzes everywhere. To call central London aesthetically ugly would be completely unfair. outside of that however, London is a shithole for the most part.

It's something most Londoners are aware of. Charlie Brooker (another Londoner) hits the nail on the head regarding the London highstreet aesthetic in his article "Sign of the Times" (http://www.guardian.co.uk/commentisfree/story/0,,2063359,00.html)

"A few years ago, shopkeepers had three basic options: 1) paint the store front yourself; 2) hire a professional to paint it for you; 3) buy some metal or plastic lettering and screw it over the door. Now, there is a fourth option: get a bunch of clueless, cut-price bastards to design a banner on a computer in six minutes flat, stretch it to fit and print it out using some hideous modern laserjet device filled with waterproof inks the colour of sick."

That to me sums up a lot of what's wrong with London, which I'm going to get to after quoting Brooker's article again, as this to me is the most important part of his article:

"Shop fronts have never been uglier. I am not talking about the big chains here - they have spent millions designing their logos. They tend to look crisp and clean and, occasionally, even demure. I have got nothing against, say, Nando's. No, I am annoyed by the little guy - the pound shops, the cheapo grocers, the off-licences and the takeaways with their horrid, shrieking signs. Frankly, I could not give a toss if Tesco bulldozed the lot of them and turned the entire nation into one huge supermarket. At least there would be some typographic consistency."

"The Little guy" all too often doesn't give a shit. "The little guy" in London doesn't take any pride in his business, he has no emotional connection to his business beyond one thing: money.

There are exceptions to this, for example, Goddard's Pie House.

Goddard's had been running for over 116 years in London. It sold traditional pies and eel and cockles and mushy peas and mash. Its shop front was painted in dark green gloss. The typography of the sign had been professionally painted. It was the kind of shop you'd want to take visitors to London to and say "This shop has been trading for over a century. Did you know eel became a popular food in London because it was a readily available fish caught in the Thames?"



That shop is now gone. It's gone because Londoner's don't want eel, they want pizza and KFC and burgers. They don't want shops with "intimidating" shop fronts with fancy letters run by a family, they want to stand at a PVC counter so they can walk in, be served and walk straight back out again without having to feel remotely self-concious, the sort of casual facelessness we've all become so used to as we skulk around in tracksuits and "comfy" clothes on the street like the entire world is our fucking livingroom.

A lot of Londoners have no pride in London. They want to squeeze as much money out of you for a little effort as possible. Its because as a society we're so obsessed with the idea of individuality we have no collective identity. I don't mean that there are too many foreigners here, and we should all be "traditional" like a lot of social commentators have not so subtly hint at *COUGH* Morrisey*COUGH*. What I mean is there should be a sense of community among everyone who lives here, but there isn't. Everyone's out for themselves.

Re: You're right...

[seinneann-ceoil.livejournal.com]

Wow, you've really captured what hurts my soul about living here. Being from New England, I'm more used to small business caring about their store fronts and communities. It's a ripple effect. Oh how I hope I can find something like that again...

Re: ...But your wrong.

[lord-whimsy.livejournal.com]

Anyone who is bored by nature or rural countrysides (or any setting that isn't about "you") has been coarsened by shrill ubanity, or isn't looking closely enough, or doesn't know what to look for, or is simply an ADHD addled twit.

Although I am fond of many of them, metropolitan types can be the worst sort of provincials sometimes. Take them out of their tiny urban bubbles and they're utterly lost. A truly interesting, cultivated person knows how to use the NYC subway and knows the best knot to with which to lash one's boat to the dock.

[mandyrose.livejournal.com]

Oops... posted this in the wrong spot because I'm in a sinusy fog.

Ho, ho, ho... I had a similar experience this "holiday" season, leading me to plan next year... to stay home. All the drive home from Columbus, Ohio, to Cleveland Ohio, looking at a barren landscape of dead farms and dead rivers. The land looking like a shaved, dead whore. All the constant lathering of soothing voices on TV, radio, in shops, soaping you up to buy things and be together. No silent night to be found. The maniacal ripping of wrapping paper and egregious waste. Exhaust fumes and everyone's got a flu or cold and dissappointed expectations.

Went out for a walk in the moonlight in the forest a few days later, and heard coyotes howling. The land was alive and I was scared. This seems like real winter to me. Textures of grasses, briars, branches, firelight, candlelight, smells of warm food and a hot water bottle in my bed. Staying close and not travelling, just like in the I Ching :)

By the way, as for your year-end thumbs up and down review, I've rarely commented on some of the very essays that make me think the most. Don't fall prey to the idea that controversy equals greatness. Just keep doing what you do; it's why I'm still reading all your drivel after 10 years :)

[electricwitch.livejournal.com]

D- needs moar alocohol

[kumakouji.livejournal.com]

I've just finished reading that follow-up thread on 'I love everything'. I couldn't stop laughing.

[polocrunch.livejournal.com]

Well, the smoking ban's in place and people look at smokers in the same way they look at homeless people. A sort of despairing, disgusted disappointment.

You have to remember that everything done in Britain is tinged with irony. Everyone is aware of the ridiculous state of our society, which is why satires like The Thick Of It, The Office and Little Britain had been so well received. All is not lost while we still retain a sense of self-consciousness about it.

People stop caring about what you think

[(Anonymous)]

You have talent. You then write a diatribe of almost epic proportions. You flit the country. You bitterly complain. You are wrong.

I lived in an expatriated community for five years. I learned that expatriates are simply bitter idiots with a self blinding sense of how the country they could not wait to get out of was - historically - better, somehow. I learned that a return to good old fashioned values, or this, or that, or some other fabulous solution exists for returning the old country to cultural health.

Every single one of them hid in a tiny enclave of cultural hogshitwashing. Learning the local lingo but nothing of local poverty. Learning the local culture of a decade or a century ago but not what will make the future. Every single one of them was contributing to the malaise of their old country matters by simply not getting of their indolent backsides and doing something about the world.

Not the old country. The World. The malaise of endless marketing is a global thing. Did you ask to be taught 3200 brands by the age of six - probably not. Did you ask to be employed promoting such utter bilge to vulnerable people - probably not. Did you think you were doing something of worth - probably. But the end of it all is that you run away from the filth spawned monster you helped to create.

You can argue all you want about not being responsible for the mess in the old country. You are wrong. Everybody is. It is just the globalising of culture. Which reduces the poor to the global lowest common denominator - so those grim northern towns are not poverty stricken enough yet. Which elevates the Rich to the greatest product - which means that Queen Betty and her coterie of conserolaboratory rats have not yet achieve their pinnacle of wealth.

All you are complaining about is the polarisation of society. Which started long before Thatcher or Lobotomised Labour. I returned from being an expatriate to discover I was suddenly a foreigner. I no longer fit. I could not give a flying fuck. I like being foreign. It has opened my stupid little eyes to just how little difference there is between those who ruled in 1908 and those who will rule in 2008.

[(Anonymous)]

I suppose i must be insane but i think Londons rather nice.

As Geddy Lee once said...

[(Anonymous)]

...although he was undoubtedly spouting a cliché, "plus ça change, plus c'est la meme chose".

Britain still gets better all the time, people still complain in shrills Geddy Lee stylee about how terrible the place is. Ha. The minute the chattering classes start going on about how great the UK is, that'll be the time for me to leave.

Eric Cantona: "I feel close to the rebelliousness and vigour of the youth here… nobody can deny that here, behind the windows of Manchester, there is an insane love of football, of celebration and of music.” ... (he said Manchester, but he really meant Britain, i reckon)

The main change in Edinburgh is that the Australians have left. Three years ago every pub, club, office and pavement was full of Australians. Where did they go? Fuck knows.

In place of the Aussies, Edinburgh is now home to thousands of Polish people - Gorgie Road and Leith Walk have about 3 Polski Smak delicatessens apiece. Last week I saw a "WE SELL CARP" sign in the window of one of them. This put me in mind of The Beatles - didn't they have carp for Christmas dinner when they were in Germany?

There's also a Poslki Zoologika pet shop at Canonmills. I might pop down next Christmas and see if they've got any live carp.

And the Scottish National Party won the election. Many believe that outgoing Scottish Labour leader Jack McConnell did more for Scottish nationalism than Mel Gibson, The Corries and Fran & Anna put together.

Re: People stop caring about what you think

[kumakouji.livejournal.com]

"Britain still gets better all the time"

Any examples apart from the smoking ban?

The problem with Momus' rant is it's not a rant about the UK, its a rant about Brixton. Brixton is well known for being a shithole. I'm sure there are some people who love that sort of environment, but I don't and neither do most people in my experience. Cue accusations of snobbery because I don't get the "working classes"... call me old fashioned but I like places to be clean and safe, Brixton doesnt have that vibe at all.

If Momus stepped outside of his London>New York>Paris>Milan>Tokyo babyboomer-esque jetsetting habits he'd realise theres more to countries than the capital cities.

[klasensjo.livejournal.com]

I used to go to London a lot in the 80s and remember how polite people in the underground (subway) were when bumping in to you. That kind of respect I haven't found in any of the major cities since. Stockholm is awful in that respect.

Wiki Wiki Wiki

[(Anonymous)]

Wikipedia does have its uses though:

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Chicken_hypnosis

Anyone that thinks Al Gore is the saviour of the ecosystem, take note.

Who'd'a thunk it

[(Anonymous)]

Here. Something that changed. You took up an invitation to stay with your friends. They were generous. You put a horrid critique of them up on your public blog. They will never have you back. People will always be afraid to invite you.

[imomus.livejournal.com]

Life isn't quite as moralistic or as ungenerous as that, Anon. In fact, the couple split up a year or so later. The Japanese flatmate decided to move back to Tokyo. We see her every year when we're there. This May she stayed with us in Ginza for three days. We had
a wonderful time (http://imomus.livejournal.com/288364.html), just as we had the year before. She has no fear whatsoever of inviting or being invited.

[crowjake.livejournal.com]

The Earth, is The Earth, is The Earth.

I get everything you hate about britain, But like everyone else, I'm not down with how you locate it, sure we have developed our own British expressions, but inevitably, the things that are shit are global.

I got punched in the face in a small town near me a bit north of London outside a kebab shop, my friends with me got bottled in the face and there was a lot of swearing and shouting. SURE it was traumatizing, but it's violence, and it happens everywhere, (*hint- war*). He could have been shouting German, or Japanese, he could be punching me with multicultural hands and I'd not know the difference, and I'd be no more or less shocked, in any of your wonder-cities.

kumakouji would probably call the people who gave me a bruised face "chavs". I hate that exclusively about the culture I'm in. That suddenly a taste in music, a style of dress, a social-class background make you something worthy of categorization and exclusion, before you've even got round to the anti-social behavior.

I get that you don't like stuff, I don't like it. Like the BLING BLONG: all the social masses care about is useless boring showy shit. But why so much concern about the masses?... individual people have got all I need for happiness. And no large number of people anywhere would satisfy me, because masses of any nationality are idiots.

Harsh drug associated advertising is vulgar, but it's not a purely British thing. And actually why does it matter if it equates things to drugs: it could equate everything to religion instead, or enlightenment... it wouldn't make a difference but is played out in different guises everywhere.

There's nothing wrong with the conclusion, but "Why [you're] not in Britain" is nothing to do with what's wrong with London ie capitalism and obsessed celebrity culture. It is simply because, you don't like it!

You don't require justification.
I don't like olives.

It's abrasive to your kind of personality and taste, and perhaps what your article should say, or maybe did say without being received as such, is that you and London don't mix, rather than that London is unmixable. (how could anyone refute that)

I like dirt, and things that don't work, and thinking the way I do when I'm not safe. I don't like getting mugged, I don't like drinking so much I puke. But London, But Britain, But the World, though it includes those things, is more.

And to your question:

Britain changes every second, people change, maybe not very much. The question is perhaps: "Has anything changed in the relationship you would have with London?"

Have you changed?

[kumakouji.livejournal.com]

"kumakouji would probably call the people who gave me a bruised face "chavs". I hate that exclusively about the culture I'm in. That suddenly a taste in music, a style of dress, a social-class background make you something worthy of categorization and exclusion, before you've even got round to the anti-social behavior."

Im aware how shitty that term is but can you think of a better one? Lets be totally honest with ourselves here -- that sort of violent, crass, bling bling culture momus is talking about is exclusively part of chav culture. The whole reason you name dropped-me is so you could use the word chav without directly using the word "chav" yourself, so you could hint in its direction, because using it seriously instantly makes you look like some kind of middle-class snob generalising the commoners.

Say it how is is. Momus is talking about Chavs. We dont like it because we're all liberals here, god forbid someone makes a class distinction. Unfortunately that class distinction exists.

[lord-whimsy.livejournal.com]

http://www.boingboing.net/2007/12/28/boing-boing-pirates.html

[crowjake.livejournal.com]

They look fab, I'd wear them round my neck... I like how they curve more on the bottom than at the top; an important detail.

[kumakouji.livejournal.com]

"I'm sort of amazed by how my argument has been turned into "I hate District X or Y", when in fact the things I'm singling out for blame are things like the combination of slick marketing and poor services, overpriced food, bling culture, and an atmosphere of high-Gini mistrust between rich and poor communities. These things apply pretty much wherever you are in Britain."

Everyone's aware youre talking about Britain as a whole, the more realistic among us are just trying to pinpoint where these gross over-generalisations are stemming from. Make no mistake -- you're not talking about Britain, you're talking about specific aspects of British working class society.

Big city = slick marketing. Its in Tokyo, its in New york, its in Paris. This isnt a UK thing.

Over-priced food = central London. Outside of London it's nowhere near as bad, infact in Yaohan Plaza, which is only in the zone 4 suburbs of London, you can get a big meal thats authentically chinese/Korean/Japaese for a fiver.

Bling culture = chav culture. And I hate that fucking word but it's all I have to describe that aspect of working class society. Chav culture isnt London/British culture, it just exists within London/Britain. Chav culture isnt as prevalent as it once was; it peaked in about 2004 when all the newspapers started using the word "chav", causing even the chavs themselves became a little but more self conscious about wearing burberry or Tracksuits or "blinging" themselves up with tacky jewelery. Youre latching on to one aspect of London/British society. You think other world cities dont have their fair share of proletarian philistines who swallow down every bit of crass, mass culture like pigs at a troff? Look at tokyo and its Kogals (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Kogal). They epitomised everything tacky, in your face and consumer driven. The only difference between our chavs and Japans kogals is you probably wouldnt mind fucking the latter.

As for the rich/poor divide, you cant seriously believe that only exists here in Britain.


All the points youve made about Britain arent true, because theyre not describing "Britain", they're describing a very specific aspect of British working class society, a society that just happens to overlap with the poor art student types you like to hang with. Theres more to Britain and to life than capital cities and the art world.

If this rant was about the state a lot of the London boroughs are in, Id be with you 100% on this issue. Instead, per Momus stylee, you decide to shit all over the union jack. Your rant says more about you than it does about Britain -- If you honestly prefer the crime ridden streets of brixton and hackney that you hate so much over everything else you assume Britain has to offer because you have to be at the centre of some kind of capital city bubble I genuinely feel bad for you.

[imomus.livejournal.com]

The rant describes a sequence of events which really happened to me in a short space of time in December 2004. They're mostly things not working as they're supposed to (train doors, airport shuttles, microwave ovens, toilets and so on), and the contrast between that and, say, advertising and editorial comments on "addiction" and "bling" and so on. That has very little to do with chav culture. It's more a comment on UK services and media.

Don't you think it's a little odd to condemn this attack for over-generalisation, and then tell me, in the same breath, that these things happen in every big city anywhere in the world? You undermine any chance of pinning the "big generalisation" charge on me by making even bigger ones yourself. And it's simply not true that the ratio of rich to poor, or the ratio of service quality to service price, is the same in other cities as it is in London.

[(Anonymous)]

You are still friends with the other guest? You have much in common it seems.

[imomus.livejournal.com]

No, my point is we're better friends than ever with the host!

[(Anonymous)]

Is Nick Cave blogging about Nick Currie and sex today? Are they doing a tie-up too? How disappointing.