imomus | Things people do at the art school degree show

Things people do at the art school degree show

This week I visited dozens of London art school degree shows. Free Range at Truman's Yard on Brick Lane showcases lots of them, but I also visited the Royal College of Art, Byam Shaw, Central St Martin's and Camberwell, in search of... well, what? A sense of the spirit of the times? Ideas to steal? The elixir of youth? Free entertainment? The phone numbers of cute girls? The smell of paint? An exploration of white corridors? Some funny artist statements? Great views out over London?

Here are some snaps I took: a few glimpses of things people do at the art school degree show.

The fellow on the right is called Sean Hearn. He's at Byam Shaw, and I found his statement to the assessors (who'll be deciding what degree he gets) so amusing I thought I'd reproduce it here in full (after asking Sean's permission):

"Hello Assessors. In my country we have word for people like you. Fat Americano pigdogs. You are soo fat. All day you eat your burgers and hotdogs and you throw the wrappers at animals and they get them caught in their wings and they drown. You smoke cigars and blow smoke in your fat babies faces. All day you ride in cars laughing as you lick mayonnaise from jars.

"My work is visionary journey into the future. I despise all notions of linear time. I receive constant inspiration from my future selves who provide me with all the nourishment I need -- on all levels! I am not afraid of the dark side of man, I boldly wallow in all my own filth, I feed on my own arrogance and greed. Irony eats me from the inside and I care not. Foxes can always find their own way home. I express the flaws in human consciousness so the weak human psyche can see itself in all its glory and pomposity, in all its shimmering viscosity. In many ways my works is like bees.

"Fuck all other artists they bare no relevance at all. I draw on my inner power. Knowledge is my birthright. Stupid fucks. When the JuJu takes you you ride it or you die. That is my only law. You are a battery -- feel my charge. My work rushes upon you like playful kitten and then rapes you before you can blink. Climb into your cowering foxhole while I spunk on your quivering backs. Soak it in with you spine. You do not need to fear my work.

"As you well know my work is almost entirely ephemeral. This year I have been experimenting with ephemeral documentation also, in order to create an aesthetic continuum between event and document. All documentation of my expanding body of work was printed (using photo emulsion) onto leaves. The negatives were then cut into leaf shapes and scattered into the wind. Of course this was also documented. Unfortunately however the documentation of the documents were placed in a moist environment unknown to me (my mum moved them). Of course they began to rot and I was forced to discard them. Through no fault of my own I am now in the position of having no documentation. I am sure you will take this into account. Byam shaw has long been renowned for it's pioneering support of experimentation so I trust you will not hold this against me. Fortunately my father is a pioneering biochemist and this past year we have been working together to produce a fine dust which when ingested can produce art viewing experiences. A pinch is the recommended dosage for the average adult, however effects may sometimes vary. It is not recommended to mix the powders as too many artworks at one time may become confusing. Enjoy!

"In fact, fuck you. I refust to submit to a bunch of idiots. Give me a third, I dare you cocksuckers! Fuck you. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha hah!

"Thank you for your time. May many blessings befall you and your immediate family.

Sean Hearn.

P.S. I don't think you are all idiots some of you clearly aren't, you know who you are (no, not you Stephen.)"

Don't be fooled: Sean's headed for a 2:1 like everybody else.

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any comments on the University of London program/show? I'm interested in the visual culture program...

University of London is Goldsmiths, right? I missed that show, but Goldsmiths has a generally good reputation. I was particularly impressed by Camberwell, the RCA and St Martin's this year. These shows are more like mini-biennials than degree shows. But at high profile schools like that there's a danger of getting too slick, too soon, which is why a show like Byam Shaw's is refreshing.

UoL also includes The Slade.

Humour in art shows is definitely the way to go. At the Edinburgh College of Art show there was too many videos of premanture babies with no explanations. The funniest thing I saw was a giant room installation as a monument to the imaginary life of a student, who had photoshopped hinself into scenes with Basquiat and Foucault. It was pretty lame but really funny.

Humour in art shows is definitely the way to go.

That's not real people hiding, right?

No, it was just jeans and trainers. I think. I didn't try the Turing Test (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Turing_test) on them.

I feel such a fysigunkus compared to you, Momus. Do you ever get wondering-fatigue?

Awh, now I am dissappointed, I imagined them moving around as people left the room so it always looked different when new people came along.

Abe Kobo, anyone?

that was at camberwell, right?

i was up in charing x last night & had a peek into the windows but never made it up into st martin's, had to go off somewhere else

glad you liked camberwell, i graduated from there 2 years ago

xxx

If art school means I can wear a North Face water-resistant Gore-Tex (R) jacket, I'm in.

Almost criminally off-topic but thought this might be of interest. A computer game based on the dying wishes of Frederic Chopin, neatly underscoring the cultural difference in computer leisure pursuits between east and west:

http://blogs.guardian.co.uk/games/archives/2006/06/28/namco_rings_changes_with_chopin_rpg.html

some echoes of Momus's early 2000s personae in New York, become a game...

"On October 17, 1948, Frederic Chopin, one of the most influential composers for the piano, succumbed to sickness and died at the young age of 39. Three hours prior to that, in the world according to this RPG, Chopin saw a dream of a fairy-tale land populated by people with incurable diseases but also magical powers.

Trusty Bell: Chopin's Dream takes place in this dream world. Chopin comes into contact with Polka, a young girl who resides with her mother in the village of Tenuto. Polka is near her death, and Chopin, Polka, and her young friend Allegretto as they look for some way to make use of Polka's great powers to help save her. It's a whimsical fantasy, but this RPG designed by developer tri-Crescendo also a complex and combo-based battle system of swords and magic weaponry. In keeping with inspiration, music and story play a big part in Trusty Bell. Performing the piano numbers that Chopin left to the world is Russian pianist Stanislav Bunin, with musical composition by noted game composer Motoi Sakuraba."

Alex

Sounds like every other JRPG, only with some Chopin.
There's nothing particularly brave, novel or even "off-kilter" about an RPG involving historical characters.

Game development in Japan is *very* different from development in the US, I'm not denying that, but the idea that the US is pumping out nothing but Halo-clones and violent shooters while Japan is producing strange, original and quirky games is just wrong.

(That said...Japan is still superior)

I have the pleasure of working at St Martins, and was rather looking forward to your critique of the installation featuring a box of Bran Flakes having sex with a television whilst a hyperventilating bag of chips looks on...

nice poncho.

also your shoulder bag makes me think of takuki testicles. i was thinking that when watching the "around the world" part of your documentary 2 days ago as well.

the degree shows also look nice.

I guess takuki should read tanuki.

ay. sorry. yes. that was a typing error. i had just woken up.

you see, I was busy trying to help with the documentation of many of the other students I went to school with for the year I did (to complete my BFA) at the School of the Art Institute of Chicago. These were students who had more resouces than I did and I felt compelled to help, sometimes for a lunch or a few odd dollars, and occasionally for a freelance cost, which they determined and paid well.. for me anyway.. but the more I think about it, I guess I wasn't self-promotional enough to do the BFA art show... heck, I was so busy completing my degree (although a generic BFA) focusing on Performance Art and Video.

After realizing had a just slowed down and didn't "burn up" my energies and scholarship resources I could have done much better had I stayed on an extra year rather than just rush to finish by doing 18 to 20 credit hours a semester. My goal was the degree, but in doing that I lost an opportunity to go farther. I hate the fact the best jobs I could get were at temp agencies... running copy machines.

Tell the students that to avoid failure, one must never think of it, even if its about "insulting the assessors" (I see it as just another psychological crutch, much like invisioning people "naked and powerless".. for some it works but eventually you find its a fiction one creates to avoid the thought of your own powerlessness as a fresh new student with rather hard odds against him.

Never mind me, most of what I know is in the archives of the "dead formats" and when I finally get a chance to do some painting.... well who knows what will happen.

The display of the hair was beautiful actually..

How very predictably unpromising.

I'm waiting for the punch line on this one, myself.

are sean hearns legal to own as pets? or do you have to get a special permit?

momus, are you ever going to do a show or something in helsinki ever again?
and mind if i call you niksu? or nixu.
this is crucial.
i had a dream.
weird bag.

What's so bad about a third?

Also foxes don't always find their way home, especially if you run them over with your car. I do like his style though.

If Sean Hearn is opposed to the idea of submitting to a bunch of idiots, how did he manage to make it all the way through art school?

Either way, what a waste of Daddy's Money.

what's "a third" and "a 2:1"?

These are types of degree. It's a bit like tennis scores. You "score" a first, or a two one, or a two two, or a third. Then it's forty love, and then you die.

After reading his puerile diatribe, Sean Hearn seems less like a visonary and more like a load that should have been swallowed.

Art Schools School also take school safety precautions. According to the National Center for Education Statistics, According to the National Center for Education Statistics, In the 2003 school year, an estimated 26.4 million students ages 12-18 were enrolled in U.S. schools.

Data from the National Crime Victimization Survey show that students ages 12-18 were victims of about 1.9 million nonfatal crimes at school, including about 1.2 million thefts and 740,000 violent crimes (simple assault and serious violent crime)—150,000 of which were serious violent crimes (rape, sexual assault, robbery, and aggravated assault).

Many tragedies have plagued the schools of children, unexpectedly endangering their safety, and in some cases taking their lives.

Recent on-campus shootings resulting in multiple deaths are tragic events that affect not only the families and schools involved, but everyone else as well.

Similar type of brutal killing sprees have plagued our schools long before Columbine and will continue to threaten the lives of students and educators unless a proactive, preventative plan is implemented into our schools.

To gamble with students and faculty member's safety is no longer optional. A better plan is needed. Just like the old traditional fire drill, an emergency crisis response intervention plan must be implemented and practiced.

First Class Protective Services is a California based company created in response to the need of safety for children and individuals.

STELT (Student, Teacher Emergency Lockdown Training) was developed to prepare student, teachers and other faculty members to proactively prepare to remain safe during a potential life threatening occurrence.

Come and join us. Learn more about STELT. The program is designed to help teachers and students to proactively prepare to be safe. Once customized to suit your campus, students, teachers and all facility members can practice these techniques as simply as they have practiced traditional fire drills.

Tony Newsom,
President, Founder
First Class Protective Services
http://www.Top10Crimes.com
http://www.Top10Crimes.com/School_Safety.htm

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

Things people do at the art school degree show

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boxes and jeans

ha i recognise that corridor/lift :)

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Chopin pixel futurismo

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I see where I went all totally wrong..

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Don't be fooled: Sean's headed for a 2:1 like everybody else.

ignorance:

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School Violence and Safety Solution