In Martin's web
Feb. 19th, 2006 10:53 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
imomusIt's Sunday, which means that English-language daily The Japan Times has published its Sunday issue, with a cameo of some jetset yuppie or other in its expanded Lifestyle section. Let's look through "the world's window on Japan" and see who it is today.
Oh jings, it's me! In a feature by staff writer Martin Webb (pictured) entitled An innocent abroad brings his twisted genius to Japan! What does it say?
"Momus spent time in Athens and Toronto" -- whoops, no, Montreal! -- "before being sent to boarding school in Scotland, where he purportedly participated in all-boy dormitory orgies." Actually, I witnessed them. Me and Colin Mercer were too busy being good members of the Scripture Union to climb into bed with anyone. Though I did snog a half-Chinese boy... the beginnings, perhaps, of the "penchant for the exotic" Martin notes. Go on, Martin!
"He's not gay, although he has a fascination for notoriously queer French writers Georges Bataille and Andre Gide" -- whoops, Bataille notoriously straight! Anyway, onward -- "as well as with Martial, a Roman poet who wrote countless odes to his slave boys." Well, I sound fascinatingly decadent, especially when my songs "feature characters as perversely diverse as a Vietnamese chiropodist" (which song is that? Oh, it's Lute Score, which takes the chiropodist from Tran Anh Hung's film Cyclo and puts him in Samarkand Uzbekistan) "and a pet monkey that masturbates its owner, while favorite themes include unrequited love, infidelity, alienation, human trafficking and the decadence of the teenage Roman Emperor Heliogabalus." What songs are about human trafficking... oh, he must mean "Cockle Pickers", the one about the tragedies befalling illegal Chinese labourers in Britain. It was hot in the truck, I ate a bar of chocolate... Carry on.
"Currie, an English literature graduate, wears a patch over his right eye that he lost to a rare amoebic infection years back. What with that, and his gangly frame, wonky teeth and scraggly beard, he hardly conforms to any ideal of masculine attractiveness." Hmm, true enough. Martin Webb, in contrast, is a tousle-haired, chisel-featured Slimane Dior charmer who looks like he's just stepped out of Fellini's Dolce Vita.
"But Momus is a cult superstar. He's arguably the most intellectual man in pop; he's a columnist for hip technology magazine Wired News; an incredibly well traveled, dangerously overeducated and impossibly romantic nutter. And Momus is a prolific seducer of women..."
Tell you one thing, if I looked like Martin Webb, nobody would be safe.
Oh jings, it's me! In a feature by staff writer Martin Webb (pictured) entitled An innocent abroad brings his twisted genius to Japan! What does it say?
"Momus spent time in Athens and Toronto" -- whoops, no, Montreal! -- "before being sent to boarding school in Scotland, where he purportedly participated in all-boy dormitory orgies." Actually, I witnessed them. Me and Colin Mercer were too busy being good members of the Scripture Union to climb into bed with anyone. Though I did snog a half-Chinese boy... the beginnings, perhaps, of the "penchant for the exotic" Martin notes. Go on, Martin!"He's not gay, although he has a fascination for notoriously queer French writers Georges Bataille and Andre Gide" -- whoops, Bataille notoriously straight! Anyway, onward -- "as well as with Martial, a Roman poet who wrote countless odes to his slave boys." Well, I sound fascinatingly decadent, especially when my songs "feature characters as perversely diverse as a Vietnamese chiropodist" (which song is that? Oh, it's Lute Score, which takes the chiropodist from Tran Anh Hung's film Cyclo and puts him in Samarkand Uzbekistan) "and a pet monkey that masturbates its owner, while favorite themes include unrequited love, infidelity, alienation, human trafficking and the decadence of the teenage Roman Emperor Heliogabalus." What songs are about human trafficking... oh, he must mean "Cockle Pickers", the one about the tragedies befalling illegal Chinese labourers in Britain. It was hot in the truck, I ate a bar of chocolate... Carry on.
"Currie, an English literature graduate, wears a patch over his right eye that he lost to a rare amoebic infection years back. What with that, and his gangly frame, wonky teeth and scraggly beard, he hardly conforms to any ideal of masculine attractiveness." Hmm, true enough. Martin Webb, in contrast, is a tousle-haired, chisel-featured Slimane Dior charmer who looks like he's just stepped out of Fellini's Dolce Vita.
"But Momus is a cult superstar. He's arguably the most intellectual man in pop; he's a columnist for hip technology magazine Wired News; an incredibly well traveled, dangerously overeducated and impossibly romantic nutter. And Momus is a prolific seducer of women..."
Tell you one thing, if I looked like Martin Webb, nobody would be safe.
![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
(no subject)
Date: 2006-02-19 02:17 am (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2006-02-19 02:21 am (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2006-02-19 02:42 am (UTC)And, Nick, I know I found your gangly frame to be a big part of your appeal, but you noticed yourself that I have a type.
(no subject)
Date: 2006-02-19 02:44 am (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2006-02-19 03:07 am (UTC)Nick's Hedi Slimane Phase. :)
Date: 2006-02-19 03:18 am (UTC)Re: Nick's Hedi Slimane Phase. :)
Date: 2006-02-19 03:37 am (UTC)Re: Nick's Hedi Slimane Phase. :)
Date: 2006-02-19 06:32 am (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2006-02-19 03:19 am (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2006-02-19 03:23 am (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2006-02-19 04:51 am (UTC)I like to think I'm on my way, though...
(no subject)
Date: 2006-02-19 04:58 am (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2006-02-19 07:47 am (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2006-02-19 05:55 am (UTC)Midsummer Night's Lion
Date: 2006-02-19 06:07 am (UTC)Will not the ladies be afeard of the lion?
STARVELING
I fear it, I promise you.
BOTTOM
Masters, you ought to consider with yourselves: to
bring in--God shield us!--a lion among ladies, is a
most dreadful thing; for there is not a more fearful
wild-fowl than your lion living; and we ought to
look to 't.
SNOUT
Therefore another prologue must tell he is not a lion.
BOTTOM
Nay, you must name his name, and half his face must
be seen through the lion's neck: and he himself
must speak through, saying thus, or to the same
defect,--'Ladies,'--or 'Fair-ladies--I would wish
You,'--or 'I would request you,'--or 'I would
entreat you,--not to fear, not to tremble: my life
for yours. If you think I come hither as a lion, it
were pity of my life: no I am no such thing; I am a
man as other men are;' and there indeed let him name
his name, and tell them plainly he is Snug the joiner.
QUINCE
Well it shall be so.
Re: Midsummer Night's Lion
Date: 2006-02-19 06:08 am (UTC)Re: Midsummer Night's Lion
Date: 2006-02-19 01:17 pm (UTC)In light of sounding cliche!
Date: 2006-02-19 07:53 am (UTC)Jealousy and envy are definitely his problems. By his opinion, you shouldn't even be a free man. I'm surprised the Japan Times would let someone bash you like that; but then, it's not directed to Japanese audience is it? itself rather western in it's criticism of Japan.
On a second read it sounds kind of flattering.
Re: In light of sounding cliche!
Date: 2006-02-20 04:55 am (UTC)the reason my husband doesn't like me reading you...
Date: 2006-02-19 08:04 am (UTC)its quite obvious, I never thought you were nearly as unatractive as Marin Webb leads one to believe, but there is another element, (and not the "Plaster Caster" factor ;) which BTW I have personally known as friends- TWO people who are in the Plaster Caster collection, and when a friend of mine mentioned after the fact that you were too, I thought it was a sick and twisted coincidence that I should be interested in reading you.
The truth is, as questionalble as your "prolific seduction of women" is, (for me) I just happen to enjoy reading your work.
That aside, I think I really enjoy about half of the songs I have heard by you very much, and the other half, I would totally avoid..
If you looked like Martin Webb, would anyone really care? Ok I certainly wouldn't. :)
(no subject)
Date: 2006-02-19 09:34 am (UTC)That Magazine is now long dead. Life span was from 1998 to 2001 it seems but many liked it better than Pop(1992-1999).
(no subject)
Date: 2006-02-19 09:57 am (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2006-02-19 10:12 am (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2006-02-19 09:55 am (UTC)Y'see? Just do the Funky Gibbon and prance around in an art gallery wearing a hood and screaming through a megaphone. They love it!
PS. I don't trust that slick looking fellow as far as I could throw him.
(no subject)
Date: 2006-02-19 09:58 am (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2006-02-20 07:34 am (UTC)proofreading
Date: 2006-02-19 11:08 am (UTC)"...where he purportedly witnessed in all-boy dormitory orgies."
It just needs that 'in' to be pruned now.
Re: proofreading
Date: 2006-02-20 09:51 am (UTC)a greeting
Date: 2006-02-19 04:39 pm (UTC)hurrah for the music and isn't the ladypat 'your fat friend' video great, i showed it to all the children.
Re: a greeting
Date: 2006-02-19 11:24 pm (UTC)Re: a greeting
Date: 2006-02-20 04:13 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2006-02-19 04:44 pm (UTC)coffe vs. heart_blood_berlin_woman – a petition
Date: 2006-02-19 06:54 pm (UTC)P.s: and thank you for this great sentence "every lie creates a parallel world... the world in which it`s true."I will do my best lie right now!
(no subject)
Date: 2006-02-20 05:15 am (UTC)Brassens may have reconsidered the species if he'd availed himself of this tidbit of information:
...an adult gorilla's erect penis is about 1.5 inches (4 cm) in length; an adult chimpanzee, significantly smaller (in body size) than a gorilla, has a penis size about double that of the gorilla...the human penis is larger than that of the common chimpanzee, both proportional to body size and in absolute terms...
Primate Penises
Date: 2006-02-20 08:47 pm (UTC)Male Gorillas have comparatively small reproductive organs because they live in small groups with less competition. Females rarely couple with more than one mate during estrous.
Chimpanzees, and humans, live in far larger groups in which females tend to have multiple partners. They have evolved larger genitalia because of Sperm Wars: in the battle to pass on genes, depth of penetration and volume of semen are crucial factors.
Two theories are offered as to how this unique anatomical distinction of the human species came about: sperm competition and female mate choice.
The sperm competition theory says that a longer penis enables sperm delivery closer to the cervix and gives sperm a head start in the race against their rivals.
Proponents of the female choice theory argue that our female ancestors selected males who could provide more vaginal and clitoral stimulation.
In fact, both could be true: a thicker penis provides more clitoral stimulation and thereby increases the chances of an orgasm that enables easier delivery of sperm into the cervix.
Some anecdotal evidence also supports the female mate choice theory: ethnic groups known for producing “strong women” are associated with large penises, while those favoring “submissive women” are known for the opposite.
Re: Primate Penises
Date: 2006-02-20 10:46 pm (UTC)Re: Primate Penises
Date: 2006-02-21 12:37 am (UTC)The last thing you want to hear during sex is: "Stop! It hurts too much."
Women are equipped to give birth, but they don't want to go through it regularly.
Consider yourself lucky if you have a small penis.