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[personal profile] imomus
The cod, the haddock, the whiting and the pollock are gadids, northern hemispheric fish which produce millions of eggs and spawn in great numbers. I have always had my suspicions about these fish, which prey on smaller fish and crustaceans, but recent events in Japan, related to the arrival of a viral new variety of gadidae known as the Tarako Kewpie, confirm that they are much more dangerous than any of us could have imagined.

What could be more wholesome than a fish-egg flavoured pasta sauce, you say? And why not let a harmless jar of pasta sauce have its own mascott in the form of a red, poddy, blobby, egg-shaped doll?
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Are you still unconcerned when you discover that the gadid Tarako kewpies invaded the earth by way of a spacecraft hovering above the sea?
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Doesn't it concern you that the child featured in the Tarako commercial is obviously based on the alien children in the horror film Village of the Damned, those "beautiful youngsters behind whose firey, hypnotic eyes lurk the demonic forces of another world"?
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Certainly these two little girls seem harmless enough as they infiltrate the pop charts with the Tarako song... but will you ever get it out of your head?
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And so -- while you gaze, oblivious, at your keitai -- these dangerous mutants, hybrids of gadid and daruma, invade our cities.
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They walk amongst us, recruiting.
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They even infiltrate product shoots for other commercials.
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They get inside our children's heads, forcing them to drink beer and make their own Tarako commercials featuring Taraka Tomy Toddling Baby Robots. And still you are not alarmed?
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By hijacking your hard-wired parental instincts, the alien eggs distract you -- they are distracting you right now -- from your computer screen, and the serious work you should be doing there, work without which you cannot bring home the bacon or put pasta on the table before your own children.
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Even after the phallic red cuckoo-fish oust you from your own nest, even after you become jobless and homeless, you find yourself with your nose glued to the electronics store window, freezing cold, but with a little flame of joy in your heart as you watch the deadly red egg-spawn army making new conquests, taking over the world child by child.
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All is lost now. There is nothing left for you to do but join the stinky red tide. Go on, pull on the costume! Sing the anthem! Waddle and bounce down the street, rank on rank, like unhatched fish! Forget yourself, leave all your anxieties and doubts behind! Recruit! Recruit! Tarako! Tarako!
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(no subject)

Date: 2009-10-06 09:17 am (UTC)
From: (Anonymous)
This is deeply concerning. And I thought Emmerich's 2012 katastrophenporno scenario was something to be afraid of!

Taraaako, tarako... but it is a catchy song.

Say, why do the noodles in the adverts not have any sauce on them - in an advert for noodle sauce? Or is the fancy trick of Tarako that it is clear? I am not familiar with noodle sauces from countries that are not Germany, Italy, Sweden, Great Britain, Spain and Bhutan.

Rant?

Date: 2009-10-06 09:59 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] tjaq.blogspot.com (from livejournal.com)
I've been really enjoying your entries lately but this one was dissapointing, more so now when we know your plans (which I accept and very much understand). Been thinking a lot about Click Opera lately and one thing I now know for sure is that I will miss all your more personals entries more than I was aware of. You know Momus, the ones about your neighbourhood, your home, your pet, Hisae and so on. I feel I've come to know Neukoln (is it really Neukoln as in the Bowie song or am I getting it mixed up?!) and Berlin, obviously seen through your eyes but all the same.

Anyway, keep up the good work!

tjaq



(no subject)

Date: 2009-10-06 10:09 am (UTC)
From: (Anonymous)
hmmm...wasn't the Tarako viral thing circa 2006 or is it back? It's worth mentioning that the pod-like shape I'm pretty sure is supposed to be cod roe, so it might be interesting to find out if it is instantly recognizable to Japanese people or only recognized by association with the product. Also how and what Japanese people associate with the Kewpie doll other than mayonnaise. Clearly the Kewpie doll a very old Western merchandising fad later manufactured in Japan perhaps helping to prototype kawaii. Here it's alive albeit with a definite undercurrent of nostalgia like YMO associate Koji Ueno's Showa jingle the girls sing and the time warped European kids.

(no subject)

Date: 2009-10-06 11:03 am (UTC)
From: (Anonymous)
On my second visit to tokyo i tasted this dubious sauce. Several hours later i was ill in a way i had never before or experienced since. My vision went & i felt a strong urge to vomit/purge, tho couldn't. I foolishly took this as a by-product of jetlag tho now know i was duped.

Nick when your blog is defunct who will warn us of these very real imminent dangers?
Are you sure you are fully aware of click opera's social responsibilities?
For those of us who turn to this site for reports of what's really happening out there (as opposed to spurious BBC news pages) a hexed day feb 10th shall be.

Steffan

(no subject)

Date: 2009-10-06 11:27 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] eclectiktronik.livejournal.com
Hell's teeth! Save us from this mawkish, mass produced kitsch. What next, Anne Geddes takes Japan?!

(no subject)

Date: 2009-10-06 12:51 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] thomascott.livejournal.com
I would love assist in this nefarious plan for world domination, but the Hypnotoad has already captured my devotion.
ALL HAIL THE HYPNOTOAD!

(no subject)

Date: 2009-10-06 03:35 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] lord-whimsy.livejournal.com
I think your own plans for world domination were a bit more disturbing:
http://imomus.com/whimsy.swf

no limit

Date: 2009-10-06 05:32 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] milky-eyes.livejournal.com
is this your companion piece to yesterdays? very nice.

If only vincent Gallow was a tarako tarako!

(no subject)

Date: 2009-10-10 10:16 am (UTC)
From: (Anonymous)
j'ai une boîte à musique tarako, acheté 500 yens dans une brocante dans la péninsule d'Izu. j'ai fait des jaloux avec. surtout, je n'ai jamais compris pourquoi les bébés kwepie avaient cette forme: sont ils des bébés pouces, des bébés penis ou des bébés haricots? en tout cas ils veulent envahir le monde.

Olivier

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