Hell phone

[imomus]

As a kind of weird "technology correspondent without portfolio" at Wired News, one of the things I enjoy doing is turning my carte blanche into a "license to ill". I love to rip into a whole area of tech and tell the world it's rubbish. I've already done this with iPods, computer keyboards, dead formats, muzak, and MySpace. This week, it's the turn of cell phones.

My latest Wired piece -- Cell Phones? Hell Phones! -- puts the case against the gadgets in typically Presbyterian manner, declaring them an invention of the devil. These "interrupting machines" are unhealthy, raising stress levels. They make us impolite, encouraging us to turn our backs on people who are physically present. They shrink our world down to a small circle of friends, they make us into flakes who never make or keep firm appointments, they encourage "flexitime" and "auctioning" (I'm only here until a better offer comes in). Cell phones should widen our world, just as internet-connected computers and jet planes do. Instead they shrink it down, like cars do. Cell phones are a local technology suited to short trips. Oh, and texting is the worst way to write ever.

That's my scattershot argument against the "hell phone". I balance it at the end of my piece with a description of a visit to a branch of Bic Camera in Osaka earlier this year in which I realized that the keitais on display were "the stars of the store", far outstripping cameras, computers and other gadgets in terms of attractiveness, ingenuity and desirability. I'm not immune to the glamour of cell phones. After all, I carried one around with me for ten years -- usually the latest, snazziest, all-singing, all dancing model -- between 1993 and 2003. At one point I had three different cell phones which I used in three different cities: London, New York, and Tokyo.

The fact that I don't have a cell phone now probably points to an imbalance in my life: I'm oriented too much towards the global, too little towards the local. In fact, hunched over my laptop all day, I'm even less connected to "the people on the bus" than someone merely talking on a cell phone would be. My back is much more massively turned on Berlin than the back of someone merely jabbering on a "handy" (as they're called here). Hell, I don't even speak my fellow citizens' language! So it's rather a case of the pot calling the kettle black... on a plan with plenty of free minutes, hopefully.

But that doesn't change the way I feel. A world of laptops and jet planes, yes, that's my world. A world of cars and cell phones, no, that's theirs. And what I hate more than anything is having to sit there like a cabbage while a friend talks to a friend on a cell phone. Especially when we're in the middle of quality time arranged by means of the laptop, face-to-face time made possible by the jet plane. It's like the local came along and slapped the global in the face.

I'm probably just a very, very jealous person, and I probably have some major interpersonal issues to work out. But for the time being, I'm going to blame the technology.

Comments

I understand.

[svenskasfinx.livejournal.com]

I got a real impression of how the world was changing when I moved from Chicago to Stockholm in 1999: before Mobile telephones were mostly "toys" for the rich or the person who couldn't settle down long enough for a "land line" or the even the "drug dealer" or "buisness man/woman" on the go..

When I came to Sweden, my husband worked for the telephone company, he had one mobile for work and one for personal use, and several land lines..

He was not the only one it seemed. In the heart of the city the ringing of telephones rudely interupted parades and Bonfire nights and people out with their families.. it seems to be dying down though, as though the "wave" of mobile connection has been actually seen as culturally rude, it almost at times seems BRASH to take out or answer a ringing mobile, and yet.. it happens, its just no longer a status symbol but becoming more of a social discomfort.

I think this trend will hit the other countries soon enough as most people feel it IS very rude socially.. people here do not want to "show off" that much anymore, and if you do, well you are probably tied to your work or a teenager.

I love technology as much as you do probably, but maybe I too have issues, but so do many others.

[bubs.livejournal.com]

I don't have one either, and I always think how incredibly difficult it must be to write a contemporary film or book that lasts more than two pages now everything can be resolved in one immediate phonecall.

[(Anonymous)]

My cell phone is filled with the numbers of telephone kiosks. I'll often call them and talk to whoever answers about the weather or just life in general.

With cell phones, you're always calling a person, and somehow that just doesn't feel as magical to me as calling a place. If I could get some kind of card that would let me call from phone kiosks for a reasonable price, I'd get rid of my cell in a heartbeat!

[zenicurean.livejournal.com]

Luckily for us kids, who view cell phones with the casual and friendly familiarity older generations afford only to the Spinning Jenny, the wireless, the auto-mobile carriage, and the light bulb, it's pretty much impossible to stop technology from transforming society and making it wider and larger and more open. It's my cell phone, rather than inefficient local wire networks, that allows me to call people across the Atlantic.

(Of course, there is always the goblin of technology-driven unemployment lingering above such a value choice. The political Left speaks for workers and is therefore particularly concerned, possibly because there are no more of those lovely little manufactures where poor people make needles or paint playing cards by hand.)

[der-die-das.livejournal.com]

I like your newfound, autumnal mildness that suddenly introduces colours other than white (Japan, yourself) and black (everywhere / everyone else). Go Momus!

der.

[qscrisp.livejournal.com]

Out at dinner with a friend of mine, I was very impressed that, when her mobile phone rang, she immediately cut off the call without even looking to see who it was.

Conversely, there's someone who visits me often who is always receiving, and taking, calls on his mobile, and it really pisses me off. How often do we have to come back to, "So, what were we talking about?"

I do hope that some etiquette grows up around mobile phone use soon.

*nod*

[geeveecatullus.livejournal.com]

What also bothers me (I use my cellphone as a homephone and don't have any other number; I only take it out with me in emergency): people immedeately interupting whoever they talk to on the phone to take a call on the other line. It seems commonly accepted behaviour but I think it is awfully rude.
(and don't set me off on people leaving it turned on at the cinema or at concerts.)

[bostonista.livejournal.com]

That skull/cell phone poster is all over the place. I've seen it twice in Boston.

[(Anonymous)]

Aye. I remember thum days o' the Spinning Jenny. Use'ta be texting meant textiles. Nowsadays, 'n could be hard-prussed ta find a man who know what fabric is, let alone our good girl, Jenny. But sooch is the way ov life. Back then, thar wasn't no plans. Alls a man had to do was take 'is sekund or tird daughter down to 'e village 'n see what he could a fetch. Aye. Me heart goes out to ye.

=henryperri

[nato-dakke.livejournal.com]

you want japan sooo bad. Just come back. No one's gonna think any less of you...

and japanese prices on cell minutes (and even land line minutes) aren't so generous. Unlike the states with free weekends, and 57 minutes an hour free, it's really easy to run up a huge bill in Japan. I rarely hold a cell phone conversation of more than 1 minute. I do all my conversin in person.
The fiscal incentive keeps me attentive to those around me.

[telephoneface.livejournal.com]

I have a cel phone...i realize i don't "love" it like i do my computer or my 4-track machine or my tiny MP3 player. If my cel is down or lost I emotionally put the blame on the phone itself for being such a discardable thing. If my computer is acting up I go to sleep worrying about it like it's my child. Because i actually have created things with it and with my phone the only thing I've created is stored examples of horrible grammer.

I work in a diner and gladly my boss shares the same opinion as me of phones in a public space. If a customer walks in talking on it, it's almost store policy to ignore them completely until they put it down.

Certainly Satan must have personally designed those phones that beep loudly and communicate ala walkie talkies that are so en vogue these days. They make me feel like I've walked into a construction site, or that one has walked in on me...

And voicemail might be the biggest evil but in the past my friends have used it to send song ideas and sounds to themselves for later retrieval. I learned how to play the Super Mario 2 theme on a piano (it sounds exactly like ragtime) and as the message box sound, recorded through this really crappy microphone, it sounds like it could have been done on a wax cylinder!

[mcfnord.livejournal.com]

I'd basically do anything to get to write an article with that title in a major publication.

[imomus.livejournal.com]

Because i actually have created things with it

Yes, this is urgent and key for me too. My laptop is a place for making things and sharing them with the world. A cell phone is something uncreative and selfish in comparison.

Also, now that I do regular video iChats with people half way around the world, I find cell phones pretty neanderthal. Seeing someone's face matters. Of course in Japan video cell phones are more common than they are elsewhere: I wrote about seeing my first screen kiss in Ginza station here (http://www.wired.com/news/columns/0,70213-0.html). But I'm not sure if "facial interruptability" isn't a lot more hellish than the vocal sort.

[(Anonymous)]

YESSS.

since about a year or so my i have cut down the use of my private cell phone radically. previously i thought it was the best invention ever to organize social life etc. nowadays it is switched off most of the time. and it does not have a mailbox either.

i currently live in madrid and i really need a car here which does not make me like the city very much. - (oh those happy berlin days ... only using bicycle, taxi and plane)

for some strange reason i do agree with you: planes, bicycles, computers = YYYYEEEESSSSS!!!!!
cars and mobile phones = NOOOOOOO!!!!!

thanks for great post

[imomus.livejournal.com]

Glad you liked it. It's getting some hate on the Wired site right now ("You ignorant bastard" etc).

[imomus.livejournal.com]

What makes it even funnier is that the article is framed with ads for bluetooth cell phones! But of course I'm also calling the devices "gorgeous and tempting" and "the star of the store", "the only machine that's truly compulsive at this point". So I don't see any advertisers demanding my immediate removal. My article is very much about etiquette and the responsibility to use available technology well.

[nicepimmelkarl.livejournal.com]

good old quentin, we love him...da loyal boy..oi boy... i clean your flat...NATO helicopter zooooooooooooms off 2 london...
master proper feather duster.....gordon brown....the geezer pukes and talks. nice 1 my son. luv ya like paul weller.

[imomus.livejournal.com]

"Have fun reading canvas print in the candlelight at night, lamer."

Ha ha ha! I'm enjoying these!

Not so much enjoying the "Grow old and die already" stuff I'm getting in private mail, though.

[minimalrobot.livejournal.com]

I'm glad you're willing to play devil's advocate on the cell phone issue. I couldn't agree with you more about how people have lost the ability to make firm plans for even the simplest gathering; it drives me absolutely mad.

My primary gripe, however, is that cell phones fuction as enablers for those addicted to trivial conversation and small-talk. Have you listened in to many cell phone conversations? They are almost always content free. It's not as if these people are discussing ideas--it's all just time filler for people terrified to be alone with their own introspective thoughts for even a few minutes.

[nicepimmelkarl.livejournal.com]

fings in my head..outside of it......everywhere.....pics....maxi resp...for bjoerk and all that.....toop..take s him 15 mins 2 pick the right tea....sort u out my son. butler....suede geezer....2 much man....i fink momus is da nu bowie geezer. paradize complex up lennox..

[qscrisp.livejournal.com]

There's a warm feeling in my stomach after reading this.

[nicepimmelkarl.livejournal.com]

cell phones....i hate em...

[nicepimmelkarl.livejournal.com]

http://www.asianbabecams.com/free.asp?Performer=hotvixen

check da bird

[martinish.livejournal.com]

People carrying on a phone conversation while at a counter or till. Nodding, pointing and coming over all monosyllabic to the serf who serves while continuing to yak to the invisible person at the other end of the phone. Belittling and ignorant.

- Ocky Milk is great by the way, best thin,,oh, wait phone, gotta..g

I made a compilation: “The Best Of The Berlin Trilogy”

[toddejones.livejournal.com]

M O M U S – “The Best Of The Berlin Trilogy”

1. Homemade Soup
2. The Laird Of Inversnecky
3. I Refuse To Die
4. Spooky Kabuki (Pre-mix)
5. Hang Low
6. Life In The Fields
7. Back Answers (Pre-mix)
8. Lady Fancy Knickers
9. The Birdcatcher
10. Jesus In Furs
11. Infanticide (Pre-mix)
12. The Last Communist
13. Semperverde
14. Electrosexual Sewing Machine
15. Belvedere
16. My Sperm Is Not Your Enemy
17. Erostratus
18. Frilly Military
19. Multiplying Love
20. Your Fat Friend
21. Is It Because I'm A Pirate?
22. A Little Schubert


-Todd E. Jones
~ Music Journalist ~

toddejones@yahoo.com

http://indie-music.cjb.net
http://www.myspace.com/toddejones

[(Anonymous)]

http://skullphone.com/

& I like having a phone but not using it. I never answer the phone.

[lord-whimsy.livejournal.com]

Either the manners haven't caught up with the technology, or the technology has come along at a point when such things are being undercut in all facets of life, and are simply hastening their erosion. Perhaps this aloofness fueled by ruthless expediency is the new etiquette.

context is key

[(Anonymous)]

A cellphone is not a keitai and a keitai not a handy. While the car-and-not-jet theory holds up well in both Europe and the US, I believe that in East Asia the mobile phone has become a true extension of its owner. In fact, the decoration they put on their phones often times seems to be the only possible outlet for creativity and individuality in confucian societies. Furthermore, in the East these extremely inventive and versatile devices are very much used as tools to create things (e.g. take pictures of youself while waiting for the train) and may just have much the same status there as in the West laptops. Just a theory.

[unwoman.livejournal.com]

I was sitting in the dark at the Audium in San Francisco (which is a fabulous throwback to mediocre 1960s electronic art music) where the show is all about listening. A woman received a call on her cell phone. The second time her phone rang I shushed her her loudly; she loudly got up and stumbled down the hall to talk on the phone, still audibly; as we were leaving the had the audacity to complain to her friend about being shushed. I wanted to kill.

It would never occur to be to blame the technology for this kind of rudeness. But then, most people blame the rudeness of smokers on cigarettes, so maybe there's some kind of parallel of addictiveness and helpless impotence of human willpower here, that I'm just not sympathetic to.

Ironic.

[tristan-crane.livejournal.com]

The moment I went to start to read your article, someone sent me a text message on my phone.

[(Anonymous)]

<http://www.worldchanging.com/archives/003788.html>

Re: Ironic.

[(Anonymous)]

That would be a coincidence. Ironic would be if you wrote an article slamming cell phones and then the next day rescued a dying friend by removing the cellphone from his pocket and making a 911 call.

[(Anonymous)]

I used to work as a cashier in a grocery store and just about every day someone would come thru my line while talking on a cell phone. I thought it was quite rude. Most people would put their hands over the speaker and apologize, or ask the person they were talking to to hold on for a minute. But some people were just totally impolite, they would continue their conversation without even lowering their voice, as if saying to the people around them 'I don't care about any of you jerks, me and this person need to talk because we're really really special!' It's bizarre to the point of being funny, I would tell them their total and they would act like I was interrupting them, hah! For some people I think it's an insecure show of self-importance, 'like I wanna be seen on a cell phone like everywhere I go so people can see how cool and important I am.' I'm with you on this one, cell phones suck.

Re: I made a compilation: “The Best Of The Berlin Trilogy”

[(Anonymous)]

Awesome, although I must object to the fact Pierrot Lunaire is mysteriously absent from this list

Re: I made a compilation: “The Best Of The Berlin Trilogy”

[imomus.livejournal.com]

My own selection would be (if I had to choose 22):

Oskar Tennis Champion
Beowulf
The Laird of Inversnecky
Multiplying Love
Scottish Lips
A Lapdog
Pierrot Lunaire
Sempreverde
Life of the Fields
Corkscrew King
Robin Hood
Lady Fancy Knickers
Bantam Boys
Jesus in Furs
Frilly Military
The Birdcatcher
Nervous Heartbeat
Dialtone
Permagasm
Pleasantness
I Refuse to Die
Ex-Erotomane

hellphone

[(Anonymous)]

The Berliner Zeitung reported today that a 13 year old threatened a 15 year old with a knife, saying he'd kill him unless he surrendered his "handy".
It's almost like "Lord of the Rings". Powerful stuff.

[telephoneface.livejournal.com]

I deal with the same kind of people, only I serve them in a restaurant. If they're talking on the phones when they walk in and sit down, I don't care if it's going to hurt my tip, I ignore them until it's gone.

This new culture can be used by people that aren't fans of it, to weed out those who are rude and selfish; if you're talking to someone over lunch and they stop to glance at their phone you know their mind is elsewhere. Et cetera..

[cityramica.livejournal.com]

i think my cell phone ring is directly connected to the very sensitive Panic Button in my brain. as soon it rings i emit a frightened animal noise and jump at the silence button.


actually, since it's part of my job, i could make a LGM era Momus ringtone and submit it to various outlets...if all goes smoothly, you might be haunted by 30-second clips of your own voice by via handsets the world over! but i wouldn't jab at your sanity like that. :)


i swing between amusement and desire-to-kick-in-face when i witness people's confessional-booth-telephone calls on the bus. i don't know how people can be so un-self=conscious?

[svenskasfinx.livejournal.com]

swing between amusement and desire-to-kick-in-face when i witness people's confessional-booth-telephone calls on the bus. i don't know how people can be so un-self=conscious?

I was sitting on the train going home one night, it was very very late and cold and I was pregnant at the time, the woman across from me was talking on her mobile as I raised my sleepy eyes.. stalled out train, late, a bit of eaves dropping and sadly at that time I had to actually concentrate a bit more to completely understand what it was she was going on about: Her husband and her were splitting up, and they seem to have a mutual son together, and the woman was crying going on and on about how she shouldn't treat the boy like that, after all anything he has against her is one thing but that he shouldn't try to tear his son up because how he feels.. ect..

It was nuts, I tried in vain to STOP listening as I too was going to cry...thankfully things like that don't happen very often.

I think the best thing about having a mobile was that when I was in trouble, emotionally, or what ever, it was so easy to just waste the money and ring someone up who I knew was going to cheer me up.. in fact when I felt I was in a crisis, it pretty much may have saved my life and my relationship. I guess sometimes "the angels" ALSO have good design, even if its second hand and "out dated" by todays standard, or at least a chance to use clever technology.

Should I stop making confessions on this thread just now? Will you be forced to kick me in the head soon? ;)

[cityramica.livejournal.com]

i won't kick you. :) confessional text is okay...plus scannable and much less obtrusive than being forced to listen. thank god we don't get bonked in the head by flying text messages when we walk down the street.

i don't know...i think listening to one-side of loud cell phone conversations, especially about private sorts of things, causes a crisis in my solipsism. does that make sense? maybe i don't want to hear strangers' innermost problems projected because i'd like to think that i'm the only one out in the town square with a conscious mind? otherwise it'll all too overwhelming, and it chafes and confuses me. though i like strangers on the internet. shrug. i'm having a hard time saying what i mean.

[charleshatcher.livejournal.com]

Moanmus strikes again.

let's make love by satellite

[myemobook.livejournal.com]

You Englishmen (OK &/or Scotsmen) seem particularly conscious of conversational starts and stops, in my experience. What about when conversations are interrupted in a group setting, like a party or reception? Surely that's not cabbage-free conversation, either. I was noticing when visiting some churches recently that everyone I've spoken to after a service has mercilessly interrupted and/or changed conversations. Maybe it's so rare to get anyone on the same line, let alone in the same room, that everyone feels they have to grab what they can get while it lasts.

[svenskasfinx.livejournal.com]

i won't kick you. :) confessional text is okay...plus scannable and much less obtrusive than being forced to listen.

Good! I don't like being kicked, even virtually!

Listening to other people's crisis can actually damage your own perspective on things, as if you are as sensitive person, you will be overwhelmed having to hear EVERYTHING.. sometimes I wonder exactly how it is I can be so privledged to hear so much, but then again I guess some people just have an easier time of blocking it out, or they don't feel its particularly agonizing.

I think its easier these days for me to "text" what I mean rather than say it.. I'm getting wordy like this and communcating with practically Everyone.. but on the other hand I've totally invereted my life to where I speak English to only a few select people.. and I'm really unnerved by telephones because I don't even know what language to speak when they ring!

:) have a nice day!

Dorian

Not on the podcast?

[mstie422.livejournal.com]

Why didn't you read on the podcast? That was the best part. :-(

[zenicurean.livejournal.com]

Ah, to live in a world where Nokia never was, and where parchment and carrier pidgeons rule.

cell phone skull

[zzberlin.livejournal.com]

Momus, where did you find your cell phone skull? In Berlin?
I spotted this set of three in Berkeley on an abandoned building in 2004: