Queen Midas
Sep. 22nd, 2006 12:11 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
imomusIn the newly super-dialectical spirit of recent Click Opera, I'd like to present, in the form of a fairy tale, an opposing thesis -- an antithesis -- to yesterday's entry It's so nice to be a beautiful girl.
My thesis today is simple: it may be nice to be a beautiful girl in showbusiness or porn, where you can share your image with millions and reap huge rewards, but in ordinary life it can actually be pretty rotten to be a beautiful girl. Let's call it Queen Midas Syndrome; everything you touch turns not to gold, but to jealousy and possessiveness, to unwanted intensity, to stalking and the crime passionel. You experience the very worst of the mating game, the stuff that happens when a strong force is unleashed, Pandora's Box is opened.
Beauty puts real strain on monogamous relationships for the obvious reason that it provides constant opportunities for, and therefore temptations to, infidelity. When beauty is combined with spontaneity and generosity (and it's tempting for the beautiful to share their beauty with multitudes), dangerous and provocative scenarios unfold, scenarios of promiscuity and polyamory. Trying to keep everyone happy, the beautiful person (let's just call her Beauty) ends up alienating everyone when each suitor demands to be her only one, and each in turn discovers he isn't. No matter how well Beauty keeps secrets or compartmentalizes her life, she cannot prevent her generosity from becoming known eventually. And when it does, her good nature provokes only bad blood. Disappointed beyond belief, each suitor becomes The Beast.
Our beauty, Queen Midas, is a just ruler who wants to help each one of her citizens. But their demands are too great; her beauty has emboldened each of her subjects to demand that he alone should be king. They will not tolerate the equality she tries to supply. Given an inch, they immediately want a mile. So intense is the competition between the queen's suitors that all other affairs of the state fall into neglect. Crazed by love, the beasts forget that they are starving, and have no jobs, and nowhere to live. The land falls into ruin.
To solve this crisis, the queen decides she must choose one suitor, the best beast, and make him king. This is done. The rejected suitors harbor black, murderous thoughts for a while, but eventually accept her decision. They are not entirely beasts, after all. And in time, there will be consolations: she will appear on postage stamps, perhaps, or make a speech every new year. They will remember their ardor with sweet, gentle nostalgia. "Ah, the time I really thought I could be king, and call such beauty my own!" the ex-beasts will chuckle, wiping away a tear.
But this is where the queen metaphor breaks down. It may be fine to be beautiful on the throne, in showbiz or in porn (they're all the same thing, really: a means of sharing yourself without giving everything), but it's not so fine in real life, as an ordinary person. For someone beautiful who isn't making a career based on being beautiful, the dramas of personal life must necessarily occupy more space than they do for the rest of us. We Muglies must fill with work or hobbies the empty time in which people are not calling us, pestering us for dates, flattering and courting us. We must do something social, productive. As a result, we reach an enviable balance and calmness in our lives, something the beautiful can never achieve. We have been left alone to develop interests in society, in the life of the mind. We've compensated for our lack of beauty by developing other skills and attractions: we've become an expert on something, an artist, a politician, or a writer. We've made ourselves attractive by cultural means; unlike the beautiful person, who owes everything to a sort of genetic accident, we Muglies feel "self-made", responsible for our own position.
Little by little, the enormous sense of possibility Beauty sensed in every situation is revealed as an illusion. The only possibility present -- the erect elephant in every room -- is that someone she's never met before immediately wants to fuck her. Just like the last person she'd never met before. Quelle surprise! She has little say in the matter. It becomes depressingly predictable, and every new admirer is a potential new stalker.
For the Mugly, on the other hand, there's more and more liberty and possibility, as she develops interests and pursues paths which are entirely her own. She can sublimate, work with colleagues, be treated non-sexually, get on with things. The strong force doesn't tug her off course, and Pandora's Box stays, inchallah, shut.
Meanwhile, Beauty is debating donning a burka or entering a nunnery. She even feels suicidal sometimes, so miserable is she to see how her beauty destabilizes every relationship and makes commitment so difficult. Even a partner who is loved and chosen can develop paranoid jealousies based on nothing, and these suspicions (based only on beauty) can undermine everything.
Finally, instead of entering a nunnery, Beauty moves to the countryside with her Chosen One. Here no-one will bother her. She can look after animals, raise children. But this is an all-or-nothing scenario. If things don't work out with the Chosen One, she has nothing else in her life. She's in limbo, in free fall. All her eggs are in one basket, and one day they may lie broken.
But there is one sure salvation. Nature has the answer. It's called ageing. We all age, and as Beauty ages she becomes less "a beauty" and more "a person". While never quite becoming a Mugly, she sees the strong force -- and with it jealousy, paranoia and torrid crimes passionels -- gently declining, like a storm blowing itself out. Finally, she can develop other interests. The dynamite of love and sex can turn into something more manageable, but also more lovely. Fireworks, perhaps.
My thesis today is simple: it may be nice to be a beautiful girl in showbusiness or porn, where you can share your image with millions and reap huge rewards, but in ordinary life it can actually be pretty rotten to be a beautiful girl. Let's call it Queen Midas Syndrome; everything you touch turns not to gold, but to jealousy and possessiveness, to unwanted intensity, to stalking and the crime passionel. You experience the very worst of the mating game, the stuff that happens when a strong force is unleashed, Pandora's Box is opened.
Beauty puts real strain on monogamous relationships for the obvious reason that it provides constant opportunities for, and therefore temptations to, infidelity. When beauty is combined with spontaneity and generosity (and it's tempting for the beautiful to share their beauty with multitudes), dangerous and provocative scenarios unfold, scenarios of promiscuity and polyamory. Trying to keep everyone happy, the beautiful person (let's just call her Beauty) ends up alienating everyone when each suitor demands to be her only one, and each in turn discovers he isn't. No matter how well Beauty keeps secrets or compartmentalizes her life, she cannot prevent her generosity from becoming known eventually. And when it does, her good nature provokes only bad blood. Disappointed beyond belief, each suitor becomes The Beast.
Our beauty, Queen Midas, is a just ruler who wants to help each one of her citizens. But their demands are too great; her beauty has emboldened each of her subjects to demand that he alone should be king. They will not tolerate the equality she tries to supply. Given an inch, they immediately want a mile. So intense is the competition between the queen's suitors that all other affairs of the state fall into neglect. Crazed by love, the beasts forget that they are starving, and have no jobs, and nowhere to live. The land falls into ruin.
To solve this crisis, the queen decides she must choose one suitor, the best beast, and make him king. This is done. The rejected suitors harbor black, murderous thoughts for a while, but eventually accept her decision. They are not entirely beasts, after all. And in time, there will be consolations: she will appear on postage stamps, perhaps, or make a speech every new year. They will remember their ardor with sweet, gentle nostalgia. "Ah, the time I really thought I could be king, and call such beauty my own!" the ex-beasts will chuckle, wiping away a tear.But this is where the queen metaphor breaks down. It may be fine to be beautiful on the throne, in showbiz or in porn (they're all the same thing, really: a means of sharing yourself without giving everything), but it's not so fine in real life, as an ordinary person. For someone beautiful who isn't making a career based on being beautiful, the dramas of personal life must necessarily occupy more space than they do for the rest of us. We Muglies must fill with work or hobbies the empty time in which people are not calling us, pestering us for dates, flattering and courting us. We must do something social, productive. As a result, we reach an enviable balance and calmness in our lives, something the beautiful can never achieve. We have been left alone to develop interests in society, in the life of the mind. We've compensated for our lack of beauty by developing other skills and attractions: we've become an expert on something, an artist, a politician, or a writer. We've made ourselves attractive by cultural means; unlike the beautiful person, who owes everything to a sort of genetic accident, we Muglies feel "self-made", responsible for our own position.
Little by little, the enormous sense of possibility Beauty sensed in every situation is revealed as an illusion. The only possibility present -- the erect elephant in every room -- is that someone she's never met before immediately wants to fuck her. Just like the last person she'd never met before. Quelle surprise! She has little say in the matter. It becomes depressingly predictable, and every new admirer is a potential new stalker.
For the Mugly, on the other hand, there's more and more liberty and possibility, as she develops interests and pursues paths which are entirely her own. She can sublimate, work with colleagues, be treated non-sexually, get on with things. The strong force doesn't tug her off course, and Pandora's Box stays, inchallah, shut.Meanwhile, Beauty is debating donning a burka or entering a nunnery. She even feels suicidal sometimes, so miserable is she to see how her beauty destabilizes every relationship and makes commitment so difficult. Even a partner who is loved and chosen can develop paranoid jealousies based on nothing, and these suspicions (based only on beauty) can undermine everything.
Finally, instead of entering a nunnery, Beauty moves to the countryside with her Chosen One. Here no-one will bother her. She can look after animals, raise children. But this is an all-or-nothing scenario. If things don't work out with the Chosen One, she has nothing else in her life. She's in limbo, in free fall. All her eggs are in one basket, and one day they may lie broken.
But there is one sure salvation. Nature has the answer. It's called ageing. We all age, and as Beauty ages she becomes less "a beauty" and more "a person". While never quite becoming a Mugly, she sees the strong force -- and with it jealousy, paranoia and torrid crimes passionels -- gently declining, like a storm blowing itself out. Finally, she can develop other interests. The dynamite of love and sex can turn into something more manageable, but also more lovely. Fireworks, perhaps.
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(no subject)
Date: 2006-09-22 10:51 am (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2006-09-22 10:53 am (UTC)Promiscuity, perhaps... and certainly a lot of serial monogamy... but not so much polyamory. I know a lot of people who are polyamorous, but disproportionately few of them are a classic societal '10'. I would say that there are a lot of 3's and 4's -- lots of unattractive geeks -- a less than average amount of 4's, 5's... and lots of 6's through 8's... geeky, sexy, and often quite brilliant.
In other words, if you're really not attractive, you'll probably be pretty unpopular in the rather sexual polyamorous community. If you look like a common Joe or Jane, you're probably going to grow up pretty conventional. But if you're geeky, smart, and sexy, you'll fit in well... and you will need those brains in order to deal with the often complex interpersonal issues involved in polyamory.
To be poly, you must process, reason, and analyze your way past emotional issues like jealousy, and will have to develop excellent -- and often time-intensive -- communications skills. That's a very hard thing for most people to do. I would theorize that the really smart simply do not have to -- or necessarily even want to -- try that hard.
If a person's relationships are plotted on a bar graph, polyamory and serial monogamy often look pretty much the same, with significant relationship overlap. The difference is honesty. In serial monogamy, there's a lot of lying and cheating going on. In poly relationships, everyone knows and everything is consentual, with the potential for maintaining old relationships, while still having new ones pop up occasionally.
(no subject)
Date: 2006-09-22 10:55 am (UTC)I think of this as the Aphrodite thing again, just as the Athena thing has its "darker side" when you are powerful, and "just one of the boys" there is the reminder that "Medusa's" fate was the antithis of Athena's power and beauty; Medusa is actually Athena if you think of it, however being one of the boys doesn't protect you from their power, nor does it protect one from rape. Remember it was Medusa's beauty which is blamed for her condition, had she not been raped she would have not been punished by Athena, thus she would not have a face that would turn creature to stone..
The Aphrodite thing, is really about not being shy about being beautiful, enjoying it and not having to do anything more than that. AS with all of these stereotypish, archetypal struggle things, I think that there is both a positive and a negative to the so called "positive faces", I mean yes, with type which is Aphrodite, she gets opportunities that others would not get, but doesn't HAVE to develop herself.
Then the darker inverse of this is her own husband, the crooked bodied Vulcan, who is a craftsman, artisian, and although he is not "beautiful" he is married to the most beautiful (and most permiscious) of all the goddesses. He was abandoned (due to the fact his own mother found him repulsive at birth) and yet out of that hardship he earned his birth place back: you can say that is alot to do with how we all who are not born into wealth or beauty but have talents also EARN our rightful birth places back.
When it comes to the female archetypes, I get the impression that I would rather the Bohemian lifestyle of the Muses, they did what they wanted, when they wanted, their beauty was not a detriment nor did it keep them from being creative, thoughtful, and developed. It also didn't keep them in an ivory tower far away from the mear "mortals"; Where can we find such examples in our own culture is what I want to know?
Can anyone who was born "ugly", and then "grow out of it" ever really break free of the constraints that the image developed when young, even if they are considered on the same level as the "beautiful", due to hard work and earning their place?
There is also a "class" barrier here as well, if you are born into wealth, the idea of looks doesn't become as much of an issue, in fact, the only reason I think I myself was considered "ugly" for all those years of my youth is just basicly a class/socio-ecconomic/cultural issue, after all, a woman perhaps can only be considered really beautiful when she has money (thinking about Maddona's quote: "its not earrings that make a woman beautiful, its money.") and for some reason fit into the society in a neat and less provocative form.
With that aside, a man who was a film maker in my school who had also got a scholarship told me of the poverty so painful when he was a kid, his sister (who is now a doctor) prostituted herself (as a 12 year old supposedly just oral sex but still ew!) just to get money for clothes, ect.. And honestly all I could remember at that age was running away from strange men in cars trying to give me candy!
How about another ending, "ugly ducking, leaves country and becomes a beautiful swan, without realising it and hides inside the house, so no one will stare.." (possibly reading "Ykky" magazine ;))
(no subject)
Date: 2006-09-22 11:18 am (UTC)I completely disagree with Madonna's quote, though. Most of the beauties I have known have been poor. Madonna is not beautiful at all in my eyes, and no amount of money would change my mind. In fact, it would simply strengthen my impression (although, at a certain level of bribery, I would be prepared to lie).
(no subject)
Date: 2006-09-22 11:39 am (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2006-09-22 11:44 am (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2006-09-22 11:58 am (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2006-09-22 12:23 pm (UTC)Yes, I agree, its as if the wealth, power, or what ever seems to "bribe" one to accept the "illusion"; although for some, illusion within the context of beauty is somewhat acceptable for most, for example, make-up, clothing, ect, and on the other end, huge raunchy productions and better lighting, along with some plastic surgery for some..
I've never really thought Maddonna as beautiful, but she considers herself that, and thus perpetuates her own illusion. I see her as rather hard and attempting to be the most Male-like, in her projections of beauty, not her image, but rather her attitude, and the American male on the most part accepts it as "real".
Knowing your point of view, although Maddona seems very comfortable with her sexuality, its the way she projects it, in that sort of "raunch feminist" sort of way, its not really "sexy" nor is it beautiful..in your terms. I think everyone has their ideals and goals, even within the same culture which will always be different from others, and Maddona is just an icon of the collective, I can't understand it either, nor can I understand the latest younger phenominae such as Brittney Speers, Paris and Nicky Hilton, and that kind of thing..
Although I can totally understand the Betty Page, Josephine Baker and Debbie Harry iconic roll, some may argue there is nothing different about it, but there is a definate Female as female, not a mock up of the mirror of "male agressiveness" but a gentleness, in spite of the toughness, seemingly projected... (when we speak of American women) they owned their sexuality, they give it to us, the audiance, but also have a certain poise about it all.
I don't think Maddona has that.
(no subject)
Date: 2006-09-22 12:28 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2006-09-22 12:28 pm (UTC)But I confess there is something to the success of men, being men, and the more beautiful they are, the more likely they get a better job, so it goes.
My brother for one... although I don't see it, I know he sort of stands out, inspite of his problems; it goes back to the same ideas, that in some way, beauty, (male or female) equates to some kind of power... even if it is just the ablity to influence the right people.
And yet the culture doesn't see the attractive male in the same way as the attractive female...in general, it seems that in order to have "breeding rights" a man has to have some means or the ablity to make something special.
(no subject)
Date: 2006-09-22 12:32 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2006-09-22 01:14 pm (UTC)Which happens in non-poverty-stricken Japan all the time.
(no subject)
Date: 2006-09-22 01:23 pm (UTC)What's that from? Who is she?
(no subject)
Date: 2006-09-22 01:26 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2006-09-22 01:27 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2006-09-22 01:28 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2006-09-22 01:36 pm (UTC)You say Beauty wants to search for truth, but is constantly distracted by fun and glamour. This I believe, but I don't think that this truth-seeking is any higher a satisfaction than social success. Genetic and historical accident is usually to blame for the bookish being bookish, and the fabulous being fabulous. Both want to conquer the other realm, whether out of self-loathing or self-infatuation. Beauty, however, rules the realm that we as biological, social creatures are most built for... and whether Beauty knows it or not, she got dealt the better hand.
(no subject)
Date: 2006-09-22 02:06 pm (UTC)snide
Date: 2006-09-22 02:30 pm (UTC)No Ancient Greek would go for "per-"
instead of "pro-" as a prefix to
"miscuous". Not even the emplaced males
raising lovely youths under an
intimate wing.
Since Madonna is not beautiful, though
fit, it must be the money that lures the men. It's not her siren song.
A certain degree of halo effect
is useful, although picking the strongest beast is not the wisest resolution. Beauty would then suffer ravishment by the Beast until he was displaced or she lost her beauty and was replaced. Having the suitors knife each other until most of the beasts are
eliminated is the smart strategy, and
one can then pick a smart survivor if
wanting the traditional male protector,
or a toy boy if she is herself smart
as well as alluring.
Brighton Rocks
Date: 2006-09-22 02:54 pm (UTC)In Brighton, there's a significant
gay community, which would complicate
LJ:imomus' sexual dimorphism no end.
Re: Brighton Rocks
Date: 2006-09-22 03:09 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2006-09-22 03:25 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2006-09-22 03:55 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2006-09-22 04:06 pm (UTC)i think this is great; no-one ever knows what they're going to get with me; whether i might be looking luminous or hideous. it means i'm aware of the beauty card but am never sure of when i'm safe to play it. it means that catching myself looking pretty in the mirror can be a sweet surprise, but i would never count on it.
Excuse me Mr.Momus
Date: 2006-09-22 04:49 pm (UTC)Make digital ecco, please.