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[personal profile] imomus
You go into a clothes shop and pull open some T-shirts to look at the designs. But when you try to put them back on the shelf, you simply can't achieve the necessary level of folding perfection. You make pathetic attempts to smooth rumples and tuck in sleeves, but it seems your level of personal culture is inadequate. This is something you weren't taught at school or university. It's something you will never learn. "Just leave it, we'll fix that," says the sales assistant with a kindly smile that doesn't quite hide some shade of supercilious pity, exasperation and derision. You exit the shop apologetically, leaving a crumpled mess of "entropy cotton" behind you.



Well, thanks to Japanese YouTube select site Qooqle Video Clippers I have found a way never again to be that inadequate loser. With this instructional video on how to fold T-shirts, not only will you be able to hold your head high on your next visit to Graniph, you'll be able to turn your own bedroom into something almost as beautiful.

Who'd have thought folding T-shirts was so simple? There it is on the screen! The "magic point" you simply have to pinch for everything to fall into place using only the force of gravity! Mastery of the Second Law of Thermodynamics can be yours! All you have to do is watch a 22-second video!

Except... I can't do it. No matter how many times I watch this incredibly simple video, I can't make the shirt fall into the neat oblong shape the expert gets. And why are there two edits, at the six and thirteen second marks? Is this just another internet conspiracy? Or simply confirmation of the weary thesis of the Resistentialists; things really are against us.
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(no subject)

Date: 2006-09-02 10:16 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] cap-scaleman.livejournal.com
Is this the reason for your recent interest in aprons?

(no subject)

Date: 2006-09-02 10:20 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] imomus.livejournal.com
Eureka! I have it!

It involves putting your right hand on the "magic spot" and gripping the top part with your left. In other words, you cross your wrists (it feels wrong), flip down to the bottom hem, then pull the right hand through (that's the magic bit) and lay the shirt flat, flipping the arm bit behind.

(no subject)

Date: 2006-09-02 10:26 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] mcfnord.livejournal.com
my girlfriend saw this and then folded all my shirts.

Revolting things

Date: 2006-09-02 10:29 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] qscrisp.livejournal.com
It's no wonder that Things are against us; they must be tired of being treated like objects.

(no subject)

Date: 2006-09-02 10:33 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] imomus.livejournal.com
I've just gone through my whole collection of T-shirts folding them like this. It was amazingly therapeutic. I was cackling with manic glee as I tugged and shook, tugged and shook. I feel like a new man! It's never too late!

(no subject)

Date: 2006-09-02 11:50 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] ratz.livejournal.com
You know, that folding technique was the big selling point of Martha Stewart's new show after she got out of prison. She did it on the first episode, then gave away tee shirts with those instructions printed on the back.

(no subject)

Date: 2006-09-02 12:02 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] imomus.livejournal.com
I can understand that. This origami has a strong dimension of moral redemption to it.

(no subject)

Date: 2006-09-02 12:13 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] kaipfeiffer.livejournal.com
according to popular myths, men are drilled at the army to fold everything around them perfectly: t-shirts, bed linen, tanks ...
private momus, i'm proud to hear you finally managed that most essential skill, too. me and my men are glad to learn you're not the twee little sissy we thought you were!

(no subject)

Date: 2006-09-02 12:28 pm (UTC)
From: (Anonymous)
Echo and the Bunnymen's "Rust" fo

(no subject)

Date: 2006-09-02 01:18 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] ratz.livejournal.com
I really think she missed an opportunity to recast herself almost as an arts and crafts monk in cloistered solitude while in prison. But instead of brewing a trappist with wild yeast in her cell while embroidering a tapestry, she had her prison bitch make her a poncho out of dryer lint and planned her new show.

I learned it in school :(

Date: 2006-09-02 01:26 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] chrissmari.livejournal.com
When I was in concert band, we had to fold our band shirts perfectly when we took them off. I was 10 years old.. and we had to keep folding until they were perfect :(

(no subject)

Date: 2006-09-02 01:27 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] constructionism.livejournal.com
My dad was in the army, I can say this is definitely true.

(no subject)

Date: 2006-09-02 01:29 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] constructionism.livejournal.com
The shirt in the video is so thin. All my shirts are of a heavier cotton and look chunky and unfit for display. I give up. I'm more concerned about how to fold pants and sweaters.

(no subject)

Date: 2006-09-02 01:58 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] imomus.livejournal.com
Of course, if you fold a lot of t-shirts and need a machine to do it for you, here's (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5qDoNgL82Pc) how to make one yourself out of cardboard. Dig the Analog Baroque music on this instructional video!

(no subject)

Date: 2006-09-02 02:41 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] jmathewes.livejournal.com
Funny! I learned how to fold t-shirts by watching those videos, and impressed and amazed all my friends...

...until they found out I learned it from watching a video on the internet. Then I was just a nerd.

But damn, could I fold t-shirts.

(no subject)

Date: 2006-09-02 03:05 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] zelley.livejournal.com
oh i LOVE that folding method, i use it at work and it makes me look more competent and less hungover.

(no subject)

Date: 2006-09-02 03:46 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] scottbateman.livejournal.com
I still can't get it--the collar of the shirt is folded into the botom of the hem of the shirt, so that the chest of the shirt doesn't come out on top.

(no subject)

Date: 2006-09-02 03:58 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] scottbateman.livejournal.com
Oh, I get it now! I was pinching and folding the part of the T-shirt nearest to me, instead of the side that was further away, so it was coming out backwards!

Peeling a potato

Date: 2006-09-02 04:02 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] blueandalusia.livejournal.com
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wnNzI6dXlOI

Apparently this is the way to peel potatoes without effort. I am under the impression that it is from the same show. I can't imagine that it is remotely helpful to do this unless you are aching for a party trick.

But what a party trick it is.

(no subject)

Date: 2006-09-02 04:26 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] lord-whimsy.livejournal.com
Got it, first try.

Of course this reveals the ugly fact that I actually own a tee shirt (I won't admit to owning more than one, though).

(no subject)

Date: 2006-09-02 04:33 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] lord-whimsy.livejournal.com
I can tell you a simple way to get those creases out of a freshly used tie overnight without having to use a harmful iron, but I doubt this is a tie crowd. Ditto for using different colors of shoe polish to get a deep custom tone to your shoes.

Step-by-step charts for various tie and pocket square folds can be downloaded here, (http://www.lordwhimsy.com/trifles/tutorials.html) in case anyone wants them.

(Sound of wind)

(no subject)

Date: 2006-09-02 04:42 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] bricology.livejournal.com
"Of course this reveals the ugly fact that I actually own a tee shirt (I won't admit to owning more than one, though)."

That is simply the most shocking thing I've heard all year! Please don't say you also own sweats or dungarees or a pair of trainers; my head is already spinning.

(no subject)

Date: 2006-09-02 04:45 pm (UTC)
From: (Anonymous)
This is a coldrith point.

(no subject)

Date: 2006-09-02 04:49 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] lord-whimsy.livejournal.com
The tee is for those cold nights after I've shaved my chest. ;)
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