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[personal profile] imomus
Your first thought on seeing one of the Japanese knitted dolls known as amigurumi might be "Aw, so cute! Hey, honey, look at this!" But, increasingly, experts are coming to see these knitted critters as something much more sinister. And it's precisely in their universal appeal that the danger lies.

The word ami comes from the Japanese word for stitch, amimie. Gurumi is an affectionate abbreviation of nuigurumi, a stuffed doll. Put them together and you get "amigurumi". And this year, it's the word on Japan's woolen lips.



In the last few months the amigurumi industry has grown to an astounding 57 trillion yen concern, outstripping even Japan's auto manufacturing sector. But look around the island nation's urban landscapes and you won't find a single amigurumi factory. These creatures are all handmade at home by anonymous crochet fanatics.

With that combination of economic clout and underground manufacture, it's no surprise that the notorious Japanese mafia, the yakuza, has taken an interest in the amigurumi industry. Some commentators believe it's now the sinister crime family who are pulling tight the eye-threads on these adorable teddies and tiny bunnies, using them to spread an ideology of right wing nationalism.

It's not hard to see why an amigurumi makes the perfect fascist trojan horse. Tapping into our most basic mammalian reflexes, the dolls bypass the rational thought control centers of the human brain, stunning our critical capacities and leaving us gasping "Ah ha ha, so cute!" Within seconds of exposure to an amigurumi, even the most intelligent person can become a dolt or, quite frankly, a blithering idiot.

Social psychologists call this phenomenon "the slime of empathy", and their research reveals that underworld powers are using this "slime" to break down personalities and reconstruct them to order.

Flashcard studies in the lab show that homeless people, millionaires, insurance assessors, quantity surveyors and mortuary slab attendants all have the same basic urge to adopt and protect an amigurumi. Given a chance to keep one, less than 1% of experimental subjects were able to refuse, and once they'd accepted the creatures they became extremely reluctant to separate from, discard or destroy them.

It's of little concern to a bank manager with an amigurumi strapped to his wrist that thousands of his customers are defaulting on their loans or stealing money from cash machines using doctored cards. All he cares about is his brown, fuzzy little bundle of empathy. And although he may be quite unaware that it contains a microphone passing his conversations to crime bigwigs, it's likely that he wouldn't care even if he did know. All that concerns him is whether his woolen sparrow "Tori" is hungry for crumbs, or wants a dust bath.



Even if they don't contain transmitters or other surveillance devices, the amigurumis are often coded to transmit ideology through their forms. Here, for instance, is a two-faced amigurumi which encourages duplicity. Here are two vintage models designed to evoke the days when the Emperor was a god in human form. This doll clearly portrays in a positive light the kind of sexual pervert who hangs around children's parks. This one represents resurgent nationalism by way of sinister folk costume. This one is clearly a wristband surveillance device. This one, a panda whose eyes are below its mouth, can only be the spawn of sinister genetic experiments. This one clearly mocks multiculturalism. And here's one the colour of right wing novelist Mishima's hair at the time of his attempted coup.

Whatever their theme, the brightly-colored dolls quickly become a habit. "The first amigurumi I saw was a shy negro rabbit in a bikini," confessed one addict, who wished to remain anonymous for this article, but is a homosexual. "I was so taken with it I had to track down who had made it... Now Shinobu and I live together and make the dolls in a back room," he told me, adding "Please use a false name for Shinobu in your article, or use his real name wearing a false moustache... Hmm, that's a good idea for a doll."

Further reading: The Rise of Japan's Thought Police (Washington Post)
They Know All About You (The Guardian)
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(no subject)

Date: 2006-08-28 08:43 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] spoombung.livejournal.com
Post of the year!

(no subject)

Date: 2006-08-28 09:01 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] xishimarux.livejournal.com
It's interesting how people are easily influenced by these things. I wish people could be this obsessive/possessive about reading books or making art.

(no subject)

Date: 2006-08-28 09:02 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] dark-vanessa.livejournal.com
"the slime of empathy" like whoa!

Springing from my irrational fear of dolls, amigurumis inspiree the feeling general creepiness.

(no subject)

Date: 2006-08-28 09:12 am (UTC)
ext_83: (theEND)
From: [identity profile] joecrow.livejournal.com
I am in awe, sir. In AWE. You are a genius. I salaam in your general direction.

(no subject)

Date: 2006-08-28 09:12 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] blastoisemaster.livejournal.com
"Within seconds of exposure to an amigurumi, even the most intelligent person can become a dolt or, quite frankly, a blithering idiot."

Hey, that's... not.. *clicks panda*

...WAAAAAANT

(no subject)

Date: 2006-08-28 09:18 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] imomus.livejournal.com
Scary thing is that this article is already linked from the Wikipedia.

Good lord, that is scary, considering I'm not an amigurumi authority but an octopus married to a pink seal.

(no subject)

Date: 2006-08-28 09:30 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] imomus.livejournal.com
I didn't do it, I thought you might have, though!

(no subject)

Date: 2006-08-28 09:36 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] imomus.livejournal.com
I respect Wikipedia too much even to remove things. Who knows, they may have fact-checked and discovered that everything I say here is right. If that's the case, the fact that I think it's all lies is neither here nor there.

(no subject)

Date: 2006-08-28 09:39 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] imomus.livejournal.com
There is an enormous anti-free market conspiracy making you believe that.

(no subject)

Date: 2006-08-28 09:44 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] 33mhz.livejournal.com
These are pretty cute. If they are at least homemade, that's something to recommend them above beanie babies. The craze for those seemed entirely fueled by speculation on their future collector value, since they were completely bland and unremarkable as far as toys go, and produced in deliberately limited editions.

Alex

Date: 2006-08-28 10:04 am (UTC)
From: (Anonymous)
It's of little concern to a bank manager with an amigurumi strapped to his wrist that thousands of his customers are defaulting on their loans or stealing money from cash machines using doctored cards.

What does that have to do with anything!? It's like saying they would care less each day they got a belly full of sashami! ok, it gives out a certain ego-comfort, but going all the way as saying "underworld powers are using this "slime" to break down personalities and reconstruct them to order" is sheer misplaced paranoia. "Cute" has been a major culture in Japan, and it sounds very unlike you Momus to not give a chance to indie-making craftmanship, and as mind-numbing as everybody knows "cute" can be, it's a rest haven for a stressed society like Japan (allbeit there is more coming out there than their own soporifics, thankfully)

(no subject)

Date: 2006-08-28 10:08 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] wingedwhale.livejournal.com
LMAO

One of those adorable amigurumi made this guy (http://www.gaijinsmash.net/archives/moekos_owl.phtml)'s day.

But seriously, that Washington Post article is messed up. Some things like free speech should be protected, no matter what. It should take precedence over enryo, tatemae, etc. in my opinion.

Re: Alex

Date: 2006-08-28 10:15 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] imomus.livejournal.com
it sounds very unlike you Momus to not give a chance to indie-making craftmanship

I penned this missive with a heavy heart, Alex, knowing as I did that the Japan I love would be utterly changed -- forever -- by my revelations. Tomorrow the sun will rise on... mere ruins.

Re: Alex

Date: 2006-08-28 10:38 am (UTC)
From: (Anonymous)
hmm..strange. I though it to be an obviously clear of a response not to fall in sarcasm and tackle the paranoia issue of my point instead. oh well.. I bid good luck to your pretty octoseals.

(no subject)

Date: 2006-08-28 10:41 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] yhancik.livejournal.com
Bravo ! :D

+ 10 bonus points for the Takora icon ;)

cute fish

Date: 2006-08-28 11:47 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] petit-paradis.livejournal.com
because I'm suddenly quite obsessed with this gainsbourg song I translated it through babel fish always makes for entertaining abusrd strange lyrics:


comment te dire adieu

Under no pretexte
I want To have reflexes
Malheureux
It is necessary that you explains me a little better
How to say you good-bye
My heart of Vite flint takes fire
Your heart of Resiste pyrex to fire
I am quite perplexed
I do not want resoudre with the adieus I
know itself well that a ex Amour do not have a chance or if little But for me an explanation would like better

Under no pretexte I want In front of you to over-expose derriere

eyes a kleenex
I would know better
How to say you good-bye

Under no pretexte I want In front of my derriere eyes
a kleenex I would know better
How to say you good-bye
How to say you good-bye


age of information

Date: 2006-08-28 12:22 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] qscrisp.livejournal.com
Just read that Guardian article. Scary. Suddenly I regret all those searches I made for "useful tips for necrophiliac terrorist paedophiles".

(no subject)

Date: 2006-08-28 12:32 pm (UTC)
From: (Anonymous)
that pink seal is so CUTE~! Too bad it was probably created by the yakuza :(

Re: age of information

Date: 2006-08-28 12:40 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] imomus.livejournal.com
Don't worry, your searches are only stored until 2038.

(no subject)

Date: 2006-08-28 12:46 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] auto-nalle.livejournal.com
i think she's a walrus.
or a vampire.

Re: age of information

Date: 2006-08-28 12:49 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] 33mhz.livejournal.com
In your defense, that IS the title of the latest Hints from Heloise book.

(no subject)

Date: 2006-08-28 02:09 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] imomus.livejournal.com
She has a dinosaur spine too.

I know the teeth look like a walrus, but in fact that's sperm. the real "slime of empathy".

(no subject)

Date: 2006-08-28 02:20 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] thisisforreal.livejournal.com
your octopus sperm is not her enemy

Re: age of information

Date: 2006-08-28 02:24 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] thisisforreal.livejournal.com
i smell concept album
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