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Blog your bin for Sherlock Holmes!
Jan. 13th, 2007 12:00 amWhat would Sherlock Holmes make of you, based upon a cursory examination of the rubbish presently lying haphazardly in your rubbish bin? The wastepaper strewn in your wastepaper basket? The trash lying in your trash? (Even the way you describe it would tell the intrepid detective volumes.) This evening I snapped the top layer of my plastic Ikea waste bin. Here's what I found:
An opened contact lens container (I just use one at a time, obviously -- the prescription is - 2.25), a British tupenny piece (I think it may be a crime to throw away coins, especially those bearing your sovereign's head), a hanger that came with a new pair of socks I bought (does anybody actually hang their socks on a sock line?), a Berlin U-bahn ticket stamped at Weinmeisterstrasse, some cooking foil originally used to store fish fingers and baked potatoes, a carrier bag from Taj Stores on London's Brick Lane, still fragrant with the three packets of Twining's Chai it once contained, a Pokka cold green tea bottle, a rabbit dropping, and a DHL Pluspäckchen wrapper.
Now, no doubt Sherlock Holmes would have been able to induce without much difficulty (he induces, doesn't he, rather than deducing?) that this bin belongs to a short-sighted, one-eyed, lagomorph-owning nippophile, recently returned from his once-native Britain, a land towards which he now harbours some dismissive impulses, despite his love for its post-imperial immigrant communities.
Furthermore, Holmes, had he known Berlin, would have been able to declare that the bin's owner has tastes beyond his means -- for he has taken the U8 line from Weinmeisterstrasse, the most fashionable part of Mitte, south to the poor immigrant quarters of the city, where he no doubt lives in insalubrious lodgings, dreaming of better things.
But would the great detective have any way to account for the astounding fact that, as our suspect prepared to blog his own bin, and without telling his girlfriend -- the Japanese girl as absorbed, behind the top of her iBook, as he is behind his -- anything of his interests or intentions, he discovered that they were both, at exactly the same moment, viewing the same image on the world wide web?
For, extraordinary though it may seem, both of them, for entirely different reasons, were looking at this picture at exactly the same moment. They only discovered the fact when the one-eyed self-scavenger pulled the torn wrapper of an image in the same series out of his bin and took it over to his partner's new Philips Energylight to smooth it out and photograph it.
"Oh, I was just looking at Metroblogging Berlin," she explained, "and there was a comment about how DHL were using hard gay images on their Pluspäckchen prepaid postal packages".
In the face of this remarkable co-incidence even the world's greatest detective would, I believe, profess himself stumped. Buggered. And rubbish.
An opened contact lens container (I just use one at a time, obviously -- the prescription is - 2.25), a British tupenny piece (I think it may be a crime to throw away coins, especially those bearing your sovereign's head), a hanger that came with a new pair of socks I bought (does anybody actually hang their socks on a sock line?), a Berlin U-bahn ticket stamped at Weinmeisterstrasse, some cooking foil originally used to store fish fingers and baked potatoes, a carrier bag from Taj Stores on London's Brick Lane, still fragrant with the three packets of Twining's Chai it once contained, a Pokka cold green tea bottle, a rabbit dropping, and a DHL Pluspäckchen wrapper.
Now, no doubt Sherlock Holmes would have been able to induce without much difficulty (he induces, doesn't he, rather than deducing?) that this bin belongs to a short-sighted, one-eyed, lagomorph-owning nippophile, recently returned from his once-native Britain, a land towards which he now harbours some dismissive impulses, despite his love for its post-imperial immigrant communities.
Furthermore, Holmes, had he known Berlin, would have been able to declare that the bin's owner has tastes beyond his means -- for he has taken the U8 line from Weinmeisterstrasse, the most fashionable part of Mitte, south to the poor immigrant quarters of the city, where he no doubt lives in insalubrious lodgings, dreaming of better things.
But would the great detective have any way to account for the astounding fact that, as our suspect prepared to blog his own bin, and without telling his girlfriend -- the Japanese girl as absorbed, behind the top of her iBook, as he is behind his -- anything of his interests or intentions, he discovered that they were both, at exactly the same moment, viewing the same image on the world wide web?
For, extraordinary though it may seem, both of them, for entirely different reasons, were looking at this picture at exactly the same moment. They only discovered the fact when the one-eyed self-scavenger pulled the torn wrapper of an image in the same series out of his bin and took it over to his partner's new Philips Energylight to smooth it out and photograph it.
"Oh, I was just looking at Metroblogging Berlin," she explained, "and there was a comment about how DHL were using hard gay images on their Pluspäckchen prepaid postal packages".
In the face of this remarkable co-incidence even the world's greatest detective would, I believe, profess himself stumped. Buggered. And rubbish.